Hey Mak (I'm quite lazy and like to shorten names!)
Welcome!!!
So you've done your homework (LL DR), that's good. I've found and i think you will too, that here on the bb is where you get the MOST support and the best feedback on your individual sitch.
Quote: Right now we are at a point where i think she wants to make it work but its hard to know
What's changed recently to make you say this, Mack...and congratulations, BTW! (by the way)
So what have YOU been doing differently since reading DR that has precipitated this potential change of heart in your W?
Where do things stand with OM? (the other man)
Where is your W living? How long have you been separated?
Ohhhh soooo many questions!
I suggest you write a neat summary in a word file and have it handy to udate and copy over here on new threads as needed.
Quote: have been reading DR and LL and wish i'd have read that stuff 10 years ago. woulda shoulda coulda. k
Vent away, my friend, that's what the bb is here for.
However to your woulda shoulda coulda...I reply: ARE DOING NOW!!! Better late than never, K....even if the worst comes to pass and this M is beyond saving (not that I have any reason to believe that, I've been around here a while!) you will have become a MUCH better person and potential mate...period!
Quote: i guess my big question is how long before she believes the changes ive made are going to last. i know its impossible to predict and i have to keep on doing what seems to be working, but it seems so unfair that im the one doing the changing when im not the one that cheated.
Oh, I hear you K...about oh, 6 months into my DB efforts (and serious major internal changes, with behaviours that followed) my H revealed (to our third and current MC) that he believed "some" of my changes were for real!
You know what? I was HAPPY for that much! He could have said "none, it's all a sham to get me back into her clutches!"....so I just smiled...knowing that time and truth were on my side.
I can't give you an exact time frame, but it seems to me that one year after the first bomb (ILY but am not In love with you...I want a D)...CJ is starting to trust in my changes, and I am starting to trust in the return of his love.
As for being the one working so hard... we hear you! It DOES seem unfair sometimes. I've had people tell me that my H should be kissing my feet, bending over backwards to please me...well that ain't life. Sorry.
I wrote in one very early post last winter...It sucks to be the only one rowing this boat, but I'll row until my arms fall off!!!
Now, I'm finally getting reassurances, it takes more patience than you can imagine.
It's well worth fighting for, K.
Fill us in, keep posting. Anything you want feedback on...post on our threads with a question. Best way to get lots of support is to keep a presence here!
