keeping my sanity

[PositivelyMommy]

Hope, I would approach your H regarding his retirement in a different way.

If you get the oppty or if you would call him (what the heck, you talked with him yesterday anyway so do the LRT afterwards). I would say:

Sorry, I let my emotions get in the way of logic the other day but there is something important that I would like to say. Look, you have six months to retirement, that's $X that's coming to you. (Guys like facts and figures and can relate well to these.) Look, why don't you stay for another six months to get to that retirement payout. After that, do what you like. I am not chasing you out of town, in fact, I would like you to be happy and you to be financially secure. (You do, don't you?) What is the point of giving up $X? (Then say gently) You are the one taking all the risk in your R right now. You had a family, loving D's, secure job with retirment coming your way. Your 'friend' has nothing to lose. Think about it! You are the one taking all the risk. (Don't call her names, it's below your dignity.Take yourself out of the equation so that he doesn't see it as you begging him to come back.)

The problem was that you came down on him like an authority figure, I think. Not your fault, you were caught off-guard and like I said I don't know how you manage to work in the same place as those two for so long. But if your approach is more, 'I am on your side, I was always on your side' then he may actually be able to 'hear' what you have to say. The point is that you both cannot afford to lose the pension, I assume, and you don't want him to lose his job because of her. Six months down the line, their R could be very different so you don't want him to move out of state out of the heat of the moment either. So if your approach is friendly, non-threatening, then he doesn't have to run away from you. However, if he sees that you are antagonizing then he will run for the hills.

I know it's been and continue to be very hard on you but right now you don't want to push your H physically away just yet. Your D15 is saying that he move away out of rejection and anger. I am sure that if your H repent and came back home, she would love it. So, try to de-escalate as much as you can. Even if their A is ongoing and in your face, you don't want to lose your hard earn money on that no-good cow. Because that is what would happen if your H lost his pension, his job and you have to support your girls and maybe him as well!

Think strategy. He is not thinking right so you need to think for both of you. You don't want him to move out of state. You don't want him to lose his job and pension. You don't want to lose your own job. I know you want revenge and you want her out of there. She will do herself in, I have no doubt about it. It will happen sooner or later. Concentrate on your work, make sure your supervisors and boss see it. You don't want them to see you stressed out and not doing your job properly, otherwise you will become their target instead. Don't give work ANY excuse to get rid of you. It's very sexist, when they see a man upset, everyone thinks he is going through a hard time. When they see a woman upset, everyone thinks she is hysterical. Don't be the target!