Great advice no matter where it comes from.We all need to hear it. It is so easy to get wrapped in self pity, I have been there the last two weeks, that you lose focus on the goal.
Last edited by craig54; 02/20/0909:53 PM.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
I guess what I have been going through is similar to drowning. I occasionally feel like I may NOT be able to save myself so the fight or flight wants to kick in and I want to struggle... I equate this to my occasionally feeling like not being able to stop the W from a D, so I am wanting to struggle with it. I haven't though. She acts as though there is no changing her mind. She is on a direct course and nothing is stopping her direction. Other than not filing... She may be waiting on the summertime (for the S-11) I don't know. There are no clues divulged. I keep thinking "I have stayed here(home)and am supporting my commitment to our family"... "I have made my mistakes and I take full responsibility". I know it won't make a dent in her armor, not even a dimple. She is at her parents this weekend, with the S. We'll see if anything happens when she comes home tomorrow.
Also, we are still sleeping in the same bed. What if there has been a PA that shows up...?
No expectations, don't set yourself up for disappoitment.Expect nothing from your wife.My wife talked about filing, it took her months to do anything. Don't make the same mistake I made in the beginning, I pushed her,she reacted she filed, I believe if I had just let her be she would not have filed. But I will never know.MlC'ers are confused and hurting, don't give your wife a reason to lash out at you. Take care.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
Had my weekly Counseling session today. It's getting to where I bore myself about this. Counselor must be bored to tears. Occasionally I see some light about being okay if worst comes to worst and the W and I D. I will slip back into the fog again though.
Jack, you would be proud... I haven't said anything. I'm on the path and not falling off. I want to sometimes but, I don't... I'm being the good farmer and planting those seeds. I hope I get to see them bloom !
It will almost fool you at how W and I can almost seem to get normal in conversations sometimes.
Nicely done.Your starting to understand that this takes time.
Last edited by craig54; 02/24/0906:03 PM.
m-54 w-44 children-4 bomb-sept 21 2007 t-21 m-20yrs bomb-sept 23 2007 divorced but not giving up hope, not yethttp://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#post1224023
As my lawyer said in jest, "if OM bothers you, we can always call Guido, but then we would be breaking the law".
Seriously Ral, I think only you can answer the question about what to do if you find out there is OM. We can only give our opinions on what we would or did do in a similar situation. It is up to you to define your own boundaries.
As for myself, I never had proof that she was sleeping with OMs (except for contracting genital herpes), however, she insisted upon dating and I drew a boundary to uphold my dignity - she could not live under the same roof as me if she was dating other men.
I did similar to Kerry once I figured out that her fling was going to continue. I actually kicked her out, split the money in the bank and opened up my own savings account.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
