Divorce looming #4

[K4D]

25,

I am rushing this because I am leaving Monday and I don't want to leave without the agreement in place. I don't trust her to put in what is right. I won't be able to really fight it from Florida. So I have to get it in writing and notorized now before I leave.

We also started out very poor. I think we made 10k or 15k our first year together. I remember going to the grocery store at night and buying dinner for a dollar just after the deli/bakery would close and they had discounted everything for the night before throwing it out.

We worked our way up not through education, but through work experiance and learning new things on the jobs. We both had ambition for years. As time went by, I guess my ambition fell off and I became comfortable with what we were making. I decided to enjoy life more at the level we were at. She however stayed ambitious. Now let me point out here that I also drank heavily for years and that probably contributed to my complacent attitude after a while. Drinking is no longer a problem for me and my ambition is back. But at the moment, its to little to late for her.

Money is a big deal for her. But also image and the high life party style is big to her now as well as sex with someone totally hot to her. She also built up such a friendship with OM that it turned into more with her. Its a combo of things for her.

We slept together again today for a couple of hours. She told me she was having issues going back and forth between me and him. Primarily because she wants to stay faithful to him. I have just a small issue with her going back and forth also. But thats because I am her H.

I'm not an unemployed bum. I am taking 4 months off to better my career since I am going to have to provide more on my own now with her making this decision and moving forward with it. She resents it, but is in agreement with it so I can provide better for the kids and she doesn't have to help as much.

She is a business analyst. She is a contractor. I don't make what she makes. She makes 90k, I was making 50k. But, the agency originally came to me for the job first. I had just been laid off and had a great severance package and was just doing some contracting work on the side for fun. She however hated her job, was only making 40k, and had racked up 25k in debt behind my back that I had discovered. I suggested to the agency that they talk to my wife as I thought she would be a good fit. Hey, it all goes into the same bank account right? And it gets her out of a job she hates. Little did I know my mistake at that point. The money totally transformed her into a new independent high class woman. Wow it went to her head.

She has a passion for the job and the dollars. But I think more the dollars than the job. She would love to be rich and not have to work at all. But she also is not willing to down grade her lifestyle so she doesn't have to work. She has always had a problem with controlling her spending. Hince, we have nothing in savings after 12 years together. I have dug her out of debts so many times over the years and even when I first met her she owed all kinds of debts that I had to get her out of. No appreciation now though for any of that.

I said I wanted to have a lawyer review the agreement and she just accused me of trying to delay things again. I have used a few tactics to delay things and everytime she knows it and gets mad at me. Today I even delayed at the store making new copies of the agreement til I knew the notary would be closed and we couldn't get there in time. Thats why it is now Monday it has to be done. I keep praying that a miracle will occur somehow to keep things going. And so far, things have been happening. So maybe another one will occur.

Earning power is a factor for her since she is so ambitious. Also other things are attractive, confidence, sexyness, personality, stability, etc. But I would have to rank earning power at the top as she will only go so low in her standards of pay with someone.

I haven't read the 5 love languages yet, but I do have it and plan to read it when I get to Florida.

In Texas child support for 2 kids is 25%. I don't know about alimony. So he will inevitably pay that much. Still with him making 110k not a bad take home pay with her 90k. Beats my 50k.

Our lives overall were better without money to. We had other ways of enjoying ourselves. I'd go back to those days in a heartbeat to avoid this. If I could go back in time, I would never have passed that job onto her.

We both had goals of taking on the world when we were younger. I just let mine stop and was complacent. She kept hers going. Ultimately, I'm not sure if she will ever truly find what she is looking for. She might, she might not. I hope she does and I hope its with me at some point again.

I hope yall enjoy your trip to Europe. It sounds like it will be alot of fun. I have never been there before. But it always looked like a neat place to visit.

I am also glad to see progress being made with your H. Sometimes it takes longer for some people to change than what we want. But if you can hold out, it might be worth it.

I have tried to tell my W that it took me longer than what she wanted. But now she is finally getting me to where she wants. But she no longer cares and says I am still not there yet. I agree I have more to work on. My biggest thing is learning how to detach. I have really not been successful in this area. My other thing is I can't seem to stop thinking about the future without her. It was supposed to be me and her together through anything. Now its just me. She is riding her stallion with someone else off into the sunset be it this OM, or the next one in line. Apparently she gets hit on quite a bit by guys who make twice what I make. She gets offers from guys who want to sleep with her as well. I'm sure she is flattered. Well, I know she is because she is divorcing me for new opportunities.

I appreciate the vote of confidence in me and I will look up AmyC as well.

I am going to post our agreement. Tell me what you think about it if you can.

Kevin