Thanks for the reply...I can appreciate what you are telling me because I have said these things to myself many times over. Your right there is the fear of starting over and having nothing. I will admit, I would not be where I am in life if it was not for my H, finacially or as depressed. I am afraid that everything that I have gained I will lose. I will not be able to pay for a house payment and all the bills plus for my hobbies. ( I own 3 horse for me and my girls and pay for a trailer at the bank.) I would be heartbroken if I lost what I have, my M and material things. That sounds so shallow of me. These are just excuses I know but I am afraid of starting over, not having enough to provide money for my girls, being alone, etc. I also agree about what you said about getting myself ready in case of a divorce. I have already been thinking about it and have been setting a few things up that hopefully he won't find out about if we go through a divorce. I agree about what you said about the accuser is usually the one that is doing what he/she accuses the other of doing. I have had a hard time getting past the first time he cheated even though I tried to forgive and forget. Sometimes I wonder if he has done it again.
I have told him that I hate the way this M has ended up and that I can't stand him when he acts like this but my feelings never seem to matter to him. He says I need to change and to do it his way and then he will be happy so he will treat me better and then everything will be okay. What a crock of crap!!
He had left today after we got into a fight about money and when he came back he told me that he was leaving to go do chores with a friend and then to play cards at the local school gym and that he would be gone till tomorrow. I am glad that he has left us for the night. Does that make me a bad person because I can't wait for my H to leave? That I can't wait for him to go back on the road? How does a person get back the self esteem that they once had that some one has beaten down?
Me-31 Him-28 D1-9 D2-6 Married 5-06 Seperated 12-07 He filed 1-08 Reconciled 4-08 D dropped 7-08 Bomb dropped about H's activities outside the marriage 4-21-09 Filed for D 4-28-09 Trying to make a go of it 6-09
