From your sig, looks like you and I are on the same schedule. I had bomb in 10/07, found out about A in 1/08, D by 10/08 - no kids.
All I can do is offer an opinion based on my own experience. People who love each other and want to be with each other find ways to make it work. If your XW wanted to be with you, she'd be bending over backwards to make it work right now. She's not. All she's done is tested the waters to see if she still can string you along or not. It's a power thing and I don't know why this seems to be so common, but it is. I don't know how things played out for you, but I assume you tried to make the M work and I assume your XW didn't want that. So why on earth would you go back to someone who didn't want to be with you?! Especially one who would lie and cheat.
Don't get me wrong, I would have really liked to make things work too, and ended up letting my XW walk all over me like the doormat I was. Well, eventually I realized that I deserve more respect than that and I think you do too. It's hard when you read DB because it gives you so much hope, but at some point you need to face the reality that it's over and start standing up for yourself again.
Originally Posted By: Abetterman
I still feel like I have no idea what to do. Going back to XW would open so many wounds and be a very difficult healing process, but I'd get most of the life I am familiar with back. Staying the course with GF opens all sorts of new doors, and so far this R is the best I've ever had. But we've spent months apart and if I rearrange my life (sell house, move to new city, quit job) for something that doesn't pan out... well then I'll wish at that point that I'd worked on things with XW.
That says everything you need to know. You'd be willing to go back to XW because you're still trusting in the DB message of reconciliation, but have forgotten that the WAS is the one who needs to do the work. And why - so you can regain a life you're familiar with? That's a pretty poor reason, IMO. If your new R is the best you've ever had, then why aren't you pursuing it? What would you have done if this had all happened before you met and married your XW?
But, it sounds to me like you don't know yourself well enough to know what you want. You can't rely on a R to make your life into something - you have to do that yourself.
So what do you want out of life? What are your goals for yourself? Where do you see yourself in 5 years, excluding relationships?
