PM, here me clapping. No 2x4s here. You have for 8 months been detaching, no demands, letting your H call all the shots. So for you to speak up after all that time is not "more of the same" but a 180 for you.
H wants to be a Dad, but only on his own agenda. your right we have to compliment them and say how great they are being, while we are the parent warriors that suffer in silence. What happens to our kids if we decide we do not want this responsibility. God knows that we are there and it is our privilage to take care of our children. We can't let them suffer in spite of everything going on.
You were not rude to him, you spoke of the Ds feelings and H had to validate that. So what you disturbed his night in a smoke filled bar. These men are acting like they are freshman that went off to college and are just going crazy.
I am in the same position as you -- I have no family around and they are 1900 miles away. One part of me wants to go back, my D wants to finish school here (she is a sophmore), but the loneliness is getting to me. I have friends here but there is such a void that I feel empty. I know the reason I am staying is I am praying for H to have an awakening. But my SIL told me the best thing I could do is pack up, move and let him come find me. I am scared that he will stay here with OW and never make that effort again.
I think you handled yourself well. You did not lose your temper or belittle him in any way. Hopefully it will give him pause and let him know it is not a hotel and you are not the innkeeper. My prayers are with you.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
