My copy of Divorce Busting has just turned up this morning. Got some serious reading ahead of me now and will put the ideas into practice.
Bit of a lapse on Thursday night after I over heard the W talking to one of her mates on the phone, I made a comment she didn't like and it all kicked off from there. Didn't last all that long unlike times before now, and she even commented on the fact that I had been brilliant and appeared to have been a different person for the week or so prior, she confused me though by saying that because I'd made this comment and we had the resultant quarrel I'd set everything back, what does she mean? does she mean that she was starting to see things in a different light? does she mean that her feelings towards me were changing? I just don't know what she meant by that!
Nerf, don't read in to anything your wife says. Only believe about 50% of what she says.
Your W sounds just like my H. He literally changes completely overnight. I thought we had the perfect M, typical problems but who doesn't have them?
H told me while we were on vacation that he did not love me anymore and was leaving...this was in 12/2006. What followed was his ignorant behavior, blaming me for everything, spending money like a recluse, not actively taking part in his kids lives, etc...
There was an OW involved..I found out about 3 weeks after he left. She was much younger than he was and she was a party girl...and my H was sowing his oats.
After reading DB, I started right away not contacting him, only talking to him about the kids and basically functioning as a single mom. I was very sad but never once did I let on to H how I felt. The one thing I new was that I didn't want a divorce so if H wanted it he was the one who was going to have to do it!
Well, he did. He filed and we went through all the court motions.
H decided at the last minute that he did not want a D and wanted to work on our M. After the way he had treated me and his kids I was ready to throw in the towel...I had gotten used to doing things on my own.
I finally agreed to counseling with him to see what was going on. Seems as if H was a typical "MLC"...he had just turned 40 and we had a newborn...I think it all hit him and he went off the deep end.
How old is your W? It sounds like a MLC...you may want to read that board...great people who have all been through what you are going through. They are a loving group with great advice. If it wasn't for them I would not be where I am today.
My H and I have reconciled our M and it is better than ever now. We know how to communicate and talk to each other...something I think we both took for granted after being married a while.
Thanks for your post. It's gives me hope to hear from someone who's seems to have gone through something very similar and lets me see that this story could well have a happy ending after all.
Is my W having a MLC is something that keeps running through my mind. I've read one of the items posted on here by Michelle, I think it was the first chapter of one of her books all about MLC's and I admit that a lot of it rang true.
In answer to your question my W is 33 and the one thing she keeps saying that I've picked up on lately is things like I'm only 33 and I haven't done this, I'm only 33 and I haven't done that, I'm only 33 blah blah blah. Not sure at what age MLC's can occur but I think this does sound like one.
One of my mates W went through something very similar when she hit 30 and went off the rails a little with piercings, tatoos, out clubbing and stuff and this is exactly the same way my W is going.
My W behaviour sounds very similar to how you say your H behaved; ignorant and won't see the bigger picture as she sort of has tunnel vision and is only concerned with what she thinks, blames me for absolutely everything as to why our relationship has hit bad times, the only difference is that she's spending money hand over fist at the moment and is running up more and more debt.
I haven't read that much stuff on the MLC thread but after what you've said I think I may well post something myself on there to gauge the opinion of others and get a bit of sound advice.
You tell me to only believe half of what my wife is telling me at the moment and that is exactly what I've done from the start. She's come out with an awful lot of crap lately but I know it's just in an attempt to hurt me and it's just like water off a ducks back, apparently I'm the ugliest man in the entire world lol but only a few months ago when we were on holiday I heard my W talking to another woman by the pool saying how much of a hunk I am - I've even had my mates mom on the phone saying that if she was 20 years younger... in an attempt to make me see thats my W is talking nonsense.
Not had chance to read any DB yet as I've been keeping my daughter occupied all day so its looks like I'm on the late shift tonight!
Another lapse last night which ended up in a blazing row again!
I think one of my W friends is interfering a fair bit and it’s as if she is trying to convince my W that she has to go through with this, I just don't know what's going on anymore.
The last week or so things have been a lot more relaxed between us, as I’ve said in some of my others posts I’ve made a real effort over this time to just get on with things and not react to her actions or moods, and I’ve gotta say that it did seem to make things better, my W was pleasant to me and actually responded if I engaged her in conversation and started doing little things for me again like making me a coffee or doing my washing when she did hers.
My W went to visit her mother this weekend. Whilst she was there I got a couple of texts from her, nothing too serious just things like letting me know she had got there safely and stuff. When she got home Sunday afternoon I opened the door to her and got a smile, she immediately initiated conversation with me and told me all about her weekend and what a crap journey back she’d had. Things carried on like this for an hour or so and we really seemed to be getting on.
My W disappeared upstairs for an hour to phone one of her friends, I left her to it and carried on playing with our daughter and didn’t disturb her at all. After speaking to her friend she stormed down the stairs and just started on me for absolutely no reason! My daughter tried to defend me and say daddy hasn’t done anything wrong why are you shouting at him but my W just then had a go at her as well even though neither of us had done or said anything!
I could be wrong but it just seems as though this friend is sticking her oar in and is causing trouble between us.
This is the reason we ended up in another argument last night. I didn’t react straight away and just walked away from my W when she started shouting at me. The argument happened a couple of hours after this, although I knew I shouldn’t say anything I was that peed off at the thought that her friend was stirring up trouble I just couldn’t help myself and mentioned that things seemed to have become hostile between us again since she’d spoken to her friend. We’d had a week or just over of really getting along then she speaks to her mate and BANG she’s all hostile towards me again!
To make matters even more confusing, I received a text from her whilst I was at work today which was signed off with two kisses???? She always used to sign off in this way but hasn’t done it for months.
Just gonna carry on reading my copy of DB, about half way through now, and see what else I can do.
