I'm not a princess/This ain't a fairytale

[K4D]

Hi Mel,

No, I don't think he should be holding this over your head if he has any interest in the M. I have told my W I wouldn't hold it over her head, but she doesn't care anyways.

Ya gotta do what ya gotta do. I'm glad you aren't the one filing. If he wants it, he should be the one to do it.

I hope the basketball game goes well for you and try not to focus to much on what is going on. You are setting yourself up for your future for you and your kids. Hopefully he will come around, but if not, then at least you know you will be able to take care of yourself.

Kevin

[AFWAW]

You sound more sure than ever--are you really sure? I felt this way today and turned my wife down for the movies this time when she called this afternoon. After I hung up, I started thinking maybe I should have gone. Oh well, I'll go to Outback--my sister gave me a gift card.

Make him file, don't you do it. We'll see if he really has the stones to do it. I'm willing to bet he won't. Just a hunch. Have a good time at the b-ball game. Later.

[Mellenmack]

Well, the basketball game was okay. D4 and I left early because she wasn't feeling good. Could have been the two hot dogs and nachos she downed before the nurses gave her some chocolate.

Kevin and AFWAW, the only thing I am sure of is that I won't let him use this against me the rest of my life. Yeah, I made a huge mistake. But so did he. S13 came over today. I guess he told S13 that he is afraid that someday he would be so mad he might hit me. And I am like whatever. I asked S13 what he thought about that and he thought it would never happen, that H is using it as an excuse. Which I agree. But whatever. It is a pile of BS and we all know it.

John, thanks about a billion for betting he doesn't have the stones. I pray you are right. But I just can't care anymore. I was still on the roller coaster - still am to a much smaller extent. My goal for this M was for us to be right with each other and try to grow from this. It is obvious he doesn't want that right now. But he doesn't see that things can change either. He's convinced that how things are right now is how they will be for the rest of his life.

You can't be at her beck and call. I had to pace myself too. H offered himself up this week as...cake...for propriety's sake, and I turned him down. Not on my new bed. This bed is for married people. We just can't jump every time they want it. We don't do that for our kids, why would we do it for our spouses?

We went to Mardi Gras in the Clouds today (me and kids) and had a great time. The bread pudding was awesome! I may have to go back tomorrow.... Next year, at that conference, one of the ladies and I are going in search of the Best Bread Pudding EVER.



Melissa

[K4D]

Hi Mel,

Thats not something he needs to be saying to your son. That could come back to haunt your H someday if your son becomes an abuser as an adult because of things like that being said to him as a kid.

None the less he was probably just blowing off steam and anger about the situation.

To much good food can definitely upset a kids tummy. Lord knows I have seen it in my on D7. lol.

My W offered herself up as cake today and I partook. I shouldn't have, but dang it... I'm a guy. I couldn't resist her. She knows it to. It is a true weakness of mine I admit. But the cake was outstanding.

I like pudding. I'm not sure about bread pudding. I will have to try that one. I'm sure it is good.

You really are doing new things and taking your life forward. Thats great to see.

I have never been to any form of mardigras. Gonna have to try that sometime.

Kevin

[Mellenmack]

Thanks, Kevin.

I paid for it Sunday night (couldn't quit crying). Talked to his Mom some more. She hates what I did (don't blame her) but she loves me and thinks what he is doing now (having that lady stay with him) is just as wrong. Of course they won't tell him that to his face. His brother is not saying a word against him right now and I understand that. H does need some support from somewhere. But at the same time, family is there to kick you back into reality. Did find out that H's brother doesn't like the girl either and that no one trusts her, except H. I think this is going to burn him in time, but who knows. Not my problem, and nothing I can do to change it anyway, I guess. He feels like everyone is taking sides, and I told his mom, it's not about taking his side or about taking my side. It's about taking the side of the marriage.

Sometimes, I really wish she would let loose on him and that his dad would let loose on him. It might not help, and it might make him mad, but maybe if someone would have done that for me, I might not be where I am. I don't know.

So obviously I am still analyzing everything. I have let go some, but not a whole lot. I never really felt like he cared about me...so I didn't feel like he really loved me either. And part of me feels like this is just one more thing. He didn't love me enough to forgive me. Really. Because I see so many of ya'll who do love your wives enough to forgive. And you are dying for her to see the light and act right. And I did. And it still didn't matter. He still didn't love me enough. He says he did. But did he really? He wonders if I could forgive him if the shoe was on the other foot. And I say yes. Because if he came to me now, the way I am going to him...how could you not hope for something better? His Mom thinks he and OW are sitting over there commiserating over both their sorry situations and that THAT is what is driving him. She hates that he is listening to her.

His mom only has about 10 years left. She found out she has Chronic Leukemia. She wants to come see the kids, but doesn't want to see OW. So they won't come because of her. And this is the time she needs to be coming! While she is still feeling good and before treatments start.

Do ya'll think it's too much to offer to take the kids to her house for Easter? I would love to go and stay for a couple days and let the kids spend some time with her. I don't know if anyone realizes...ten years goes pretty dang fast. And I think that is the long view. I need to do some research.

Okay. Guess that is enough journaling. I have homework to do that I am totally dragging butt on.

Did anyone else read that book about forgiving your kids when they are turkeys, how we love them anyway, but our spouses who we pledge our love to...we don't forgive them and love them anyway? I read it and now I can't remember where I saw it. Will try to find it. I thought it spoke volumes.

Something to remember for next time I guess. I am paranoid about dating again and marrying again. Looking at people today, so many of them are...freaks...(sorry)...and I just want the old traditional marriage. Not sure anyone wants that anymore. I'm paranoid of having someone cheat on me. I'm paranoid of being left again. Nothing I have to deal with right now, I know. Just talking out loud.

Hope ya'll have a good day!

Melissa

[K4D]

I think that is honorable to take the kids and let her see them. I see nothing wrong with that.

Ya, maybe your H and OW are just soaking in their own misery together.

I'm with you. I am totally paranoid about dating and marriage again. I just want a tradional M also. But I feel the same way. If the one person I trusted most cheated on me twice so far and is divorcing me, why wouldn't someone else? Its a terrible feeling not to trust others. We are in the same boat on that one. I dread forming a new relationship right now. I know there are lots of trustworthy people out there. Its just that we are scarred right now and everything is still fresh with us and still going on.

I expect with time those feelings may change for both of us. But right now, it seems neither of us can see that far into the future. The divorce rate I believe is up over 50% now? Its getting bad. But there are good people out there. We just didn't pick them. I'm still praying for my miracle reconciliation. I haven't given up yet.

You will be ok with whatever you decide. You seem to be growing stronger all the time.

Kevin

[Mellenmack]

Just journaling. He called Monday night and asked if he could come up. Of course I said yes but not like a stupid school girl. Just yeah, sure, I guess. He didn't have anything he wanted to discuss really. Really, it just seemed like he wanted to hold and be held. Which I did. I've got no problem with that cause I miss it too. And some days are just worse than others. On his way out we went downstairs with him and just sat and hung out. It's hard to find things to talk about when you aren't living in the same house. Add to that that we haven't lived in the same house for over a year. Finally after about 15 minutes outside he left.

Okay. So then yesterday he emails me early and asks if I want to go to lunch. I say sure. No biggie. Of course no R talk and I will not bring it up, either. Nice time, but quiet, and I am letting the silence happen instead of trying to fill it with chatter.

Then today he texts to see if I want to go to lunch again. Why not? So I bought today since he bought yesterday. Then on the way back he pulled into a little western store, said he'd be right back, and came back 5 mins later. Handed me the bag and says this is for you. It was a thing of lotion. He knows how dry my skin is. And I said thank you. And then he took me back to work. Weird.

I guess OW is getting forced out sooner than I thought. We'll see. I think it is going to bite him in the butt because I think she will play the pity card: "He tried to sleep with me and I turned him down and now he is doing THIS to me..." We'll see. Hopefully she leaves and he makes it out of that experience in tact.

I am not making ANYTHING out of these recent actions. He told me last week he wanted a divorce. I said okay, get the paperwork together, and that is what I am expecting to happen. If it doesn't then so be it. I am not getting caught in this cycle again. I am not going to get sucked into thinking there is progress, when he has quite consistently told me he wants a divorce. He knows how I feel and I trust that if he has changed his mind he will TELL me so. Until then, press on.

I don't want to do my homework. I am so burned out. Just want to do nothing.

Thanks for listening to me!

Melissa

[K4D]

Always here to listen. Good job for not sleeping with him. Make him earn it by showing progress. Don't feel bad. My W isn't sleeping with my anymore now either. LOL.

I can understand the homework issue. My training begins Monday. I'll be doing it all day each day. I know I will be burnt out by the end of each day. I have to do my best to retain the knowledge. My career and life now depend on it thanks to W.

At least your H hasn't filed yet. He may yet still be thinking things through. Especially if OW is having issues and may have to leave.

Just keep being patient. Things may yet turn around. Just have to let things run their course sometimes.

I'm on the road tomorrow morning. I started a new thread. Divorce looming #5. 4 is locked up.

Kevin

[AFWAW]

Sounds like you're handling things well. Wish I was as calm as you appear to be. Sounds like he is trying to make nice. What's that old saying "Beware those bearing gifts"? something like that. Sounds like he talks a lot and not a lot of action. I'll be thinking about you and hoping this turns out the way you want. Keep your spirits up!!!

[Mellenmack]

Nothing new to report today. A few emails back and forth. He called at one point. I have to drop off D4 with him tomorrow evening so that I can go to class. He is BBQing for the squadron and so everyone will be there.

I'm wondering what kind of looks I'll get and then I'm trying to decide if I really even care or not. I shouldn't, but it still hurts. If he wants to yell/scream/judge me, then fine, but nobody else has a right to, so I'm just kind of apprehensive I guess. Not looking forward to it, but thankfully, I don't have to be there long. 5 minutes max. We'll see.

John, I hear you about "beware those bearing gifts!" Right about now is the time I start to make something of it (the gifts and interaction) and I am just not gonna get sucked back in this time. Definitely waiting for the other shoe!

Melissa