When I stopped being Mr.Nice Guy and started loving & respecting myself, stopped doing things for her and stopped rationalizing her behavior I felt much better about myself.
Robx,
How did this method end up working for you?
When I did this and did it successfully (not an act, it was real, took a while to get to that point for it to be real), that is when my wife stopped treating me poorly.
When I stopped pursuing her and talking about the relationship and the marriage, that is when she starting making small talk about it.
When I stopped telling her that I loved her, that is when I started to hear a little bit of it from her.
When I stopped acting like & being a door mat, she stopped walking all over me and developed more respect for me. When I stopped moping & wallowing in self pity and got a life, she developed more respect for me and started asking me where I was going and what I was doing. When I she realized that I have a better relationship with my kids than she does, she got jealous and commented that they listened to me more, respected me more and had more fun with me.
To get different results, you have to do different things.
Aside from all that though, for someone to be able to love & respect you, you have to be able to love & respect yourself more than anyone else in your life.
Is the marriage reconciled? No
Do I think about it everyday? No
My wife does bring it up more often now because I don't talk about it. She also days when she throws temper tantrums and those are the day I pay less attention to her, I won't reward her poor behavior by giving her my attention.
So if you want to know how this worked, I am personally in a better position now in my life than I was last year, I'm a better man than I've been in my whole life - so this worked good, I'm doing good and I'm only getting better. ;-)
