I hear you, I have been being a little too dark in an attempt to give W space, but you are right, I have every bit as much right to be in the house as she does. Sure we can sleep in different places, but if I want to see my kids during the day and she doesn't want to see me, let her leave (like she just did).
I'm sure she isn't bad mouthing me to the kids, that's not her style, and I would have a sense of it from the kids It's more a case that she's always fully indulged everything they want or ask (i.e."give them a fish"), whereas I take the "teach them to fish" approach. Of course, as kids, they go for the easiest route, and I think guilt is causing her to indulge them even more. Take for example the whole "taking them to the movies on Dad's night, because they wanted to go" debacle last weekend. Even when she left today, she said "S11 is mad at me, I may stop by later". I said, somewhat jokingly "Well, you have to cut the cord some day, or he'll just continue to push your buttons". She responded with some justification, I didn't agree but validated it, yet I think the point was taken. It would be different if he was 5 or 6, but at almost 12 years, he is quite the manipulator.
Interesting turn of events. Last night both kids slept over friends houses, so W was alone in the house while I was at the apartment. W actually gave me a call to update me on some of the kids activities, and sounded a bit upbeat an not as cold as she was at the psychologist meeting. I'm guessing the loneliness of the big empty house got to her (who knows, maybe also a glass of wine) but it surprised the heck out of me.
This morning when I came by to pick up S11 for Basketball, I took the opportunity to talk with her for a bit. I said that she looked sad yesterday, and asked if anything was bothering her. She told me there were problems at work. I listened. She told me about the pressures she is under at work. I listened. She volunteered quite a bit of information, had some eye contact, and, dare I say it... she even smiled a couple of times. That's short term goal #1!
I resisted all chances to tell her anything about me, and made it all about her... that's a big 180, now that I look at it - I would have a tendency to take something she would tell me and say something like "That reminds me of something that happened at work the other day...". I figure if and when she wants to know anything about me, she'll ask, in the mean time, "I'll be the one to ask the questions here"...
Naturally when I returned from basketball, she was back to being icy, probably feels like she gave me false hope, or some other nonsense. Regardless, I will choose to focus on the positive part of the interaction, thank you very much.
