If you want to save your marriage read, Love must be tough, by Dobson and kick him to the curb now.
That statement seems to imply that you feel that following the concepts in that book is the magic bullet to saving her M.
If it is truly mlc then it is a process, one which needs to run it's course. Who knows laying out an ultimatum right near the beginning may serve to snap him out for a bit, but I doubt it. He will most likely rebel like the emotional teenagers they are.
Two things regarding ultimatums or all or nothing efforts. If you travel that path you better be damn sure you have a game plan in place if he rebels, responds negatively and things go further south and by game plan I mean housing, finances, etc.
The other is that an ultimatum is useless unless you are prepared to go all or nothing and NOT back down no matter what. The moment you show any weakness, bend in anyway, or give in. You will loose a huge amount of respect.
