She spends almost no real time focusing on it. She spent most of the day googling "zodiac sign compatibility" and emailing/myspacing some guy she has met.
This is not her. Just her right now. Unless who she is is changing. But it is extremly painful. However I caused her enormous amounts of pain as well to be fair.
She has always worked except for a 2 year period when i was making crazy money and she spent some time at home with our young ones.
It is amazing how this fog changes even the most ethical people when it happens.
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
How is your day? I just went and worked out for two hours so the Endorphins are helping me feel better about recent events.
I have to pick my kids up today at 4 and I am not looking forward to seeing my W with what i know is going on. She will put up a big facade and act nice...Ugggh.
At least I get to be with my kids tonight so I won't be alone..
Hope your day gets better!
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
Picked up the kids yesterday. She had been trying to communicate with me during the day but I ignored the calls...Just waited until it was time to pick the kids up to communicate with her.
She initially started in on her friendly routine when I came in. I wasn't overly warm, not nasty but cooler than I have been recently. Particularly in light of her recent activities outside of the marriage. I was very engaging with the kids.
She wanted to talk with about her car (which we can't afford) and how the lender was ready to come get it. I told her we can't afford it but didn't offer any solutions as she refuses to work at finding a job. She told me she intends to work for a company she interviewed at earlier I just listened.
She seemed putoff my lack of chatiness. It seemed to have an effect, what effect I have no idea. So I think I will stay with it for awhile. Cool not nasty or impolite. Take away the aspect of communication that was in our R before and see how it goes.
I didn't reveal I know about her trolling with other M at all. I think waiting and watching is the better course for now.
I am going to work on detaching now and it seems to be getting a little easier. Still hard but I will keep a healthy distance from her while I monotor her activities.
Additional suggestions to try are always welcome!
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
That all sounds wonderful. Keep your detached attitude, but still polite. I think it was kat that recommended you treat them like you would the mailman? I love that!!! Yeah, I think detaching gets easier and easier, and the more I detach the better I feel. I've seen others post that it's like that for them too...
I also stay super busy. Some of my favorites are Tae Kwondo, volunteering, church activities, jogging with the dog and kids, and reading when I have a chance too. There's a new overpriced coffee shop in my town I go to once a week and read a book and relax. I think my D9 and I are going to try out for a part in another musical this week too (Sound of Music). That's fun too....I think anything that keeps you busy and you enjoy is great! Karen
Thanks for dropping by! I have been reading your sitch and think your doing well!
Dropped off the kids yesterday and she was late coming back from spending the night at her wayward GF house with my D15.
I was brief, hugged the boys goodbye as I was tossing the football in the frontyard with them when she pulled up. I didn't engage her much if at all. Maybe I was a little too pulled back and should have a bigger PMA for her to see? That has just seemed to play into the normalizing that Puppy talks about though..
I am trying to engage her as little as possible right now. Taking away our previous normal communication patterns from our M. She seems somewhat affected by it as she is starting to not engage me (yesterday) as I dropped kids off.
I am trying to be cool but not cross the line to my previous patterns of complete withdrawal that helped cause this mess.
No activity on emailing others since I started to cool off my interaction with her. But we will see what happens this AM as soon as the kids are off to school. Thats when she gets active as she isn't working...
Trying to do this right. I think I need to give this time and see what happens over the next week...
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
VDad, I think you are doing great. I am like you in that sometimes I worry about detaching/withdrawing too much (part of the old me) and it coming across like I don't care. I think she still thinks you are going to be there to save her from financial ruin. You are going to have to be very strong for that.
Talk to you later. You really are doing good.
Melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
Picked the kids up last night (I pick them up after work from her house and they stay the night w/me).
Was able to maintain my PMA and kept the exchange brief. She went out of her way to tell me that she had accepted a position with a company we had both looked at earlier. I was very positive and validated her telling her it will be a good thing for her.
Here's the problem in a sense. my intel tells me that she in fact didn't keep the appointment and the employer reset her meeting with him for Friday. She went on to tell me that the training would be in a city close to another city that I believe is where a guy she is interested in lives.
Uggh....So it's possible she just lied to my face. But I don't know what phone convos she had tht would make this true. I feel like she 's lining up a weekend connection. So I am looking at it for what it is.
I have been offered a potentially huge position with another company but will have to transition out of my current company...So two jobs for awhile.. At least I'll be busy!
My W is in such a weird place. It's so hard to see this. I hardly know if she is ever telling me the truth anymore. This is not the woman I have been with for 15 years. I am just hoping she comes back to reality before damage is done that will disconnect us permanently..
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
She is telling you that she got a job that she hasn't even interviewed for yet?? I must be misunderstanding. Maybe I just don't get what the appointment was. Crazy.
You are going to be busy with two jobs!
I do NOT envy you that one!
Melissa
"Standing knee deep in a river and dying of thirst."
It is a bit crazy but I think she actually did get the job over the phone even though she couldn't get her details straight. It's good in one way...She will have to structure her days now and won't be sitting around the house bored and surfing the internet and googling zodiac sign compatibility. ;(
Hopefully being back in reality as far as thats concerned will bring back some perspective to her life regardless of the outcome between us. She has just existed in a fantasyland for awhile now and there wasn't anything to change that. She has to earn her own income to support herself and that sobers you up in a hurry.
Doesn't mean that it changes anything between us, but it will be good for her self-worth.
Yes, I will be busy... I was offered the President of retail operations position with a company doing loan modifcations. I will work 8-12 at my current company and 2-9PM at the new company. This is until I can transition out of my current company then it will only be the 2nd job...
It will be a haul for hopefully no longer that 60 days. Man what a schedule!
Talk soon... Thanks for dropping by Mel!
V
***Getting up every day and learning to breathe in a new me. For me and my children***
Me: 43 W: 38 SD-15 S(s): 12,9,7 Separated-2/14/2009 My sitch
