Hi L: I took a risk...it's not a great feeling this time.
Goals:
1.) take risk 2.) be lighthearted 3.) mirror A
Week's Goal:
1.) Call A 2.) Be lighthearted 3.) ask to meet at work
Outcome: 1.) Didn't have the nerve to call 2.) Started with txt a.) Lighthearted, hey, I'll be in the area. I'd love to stop by to see you. 3.) A returned txt a.) I'll be at work til 5. You can stop by, but I'm going out after work. 4.) His response 'killed' me. My thoughts started to charge. a.) This is too much for him, he has a date, he is setting the boundaries, he's afraid that I will take control and want something from him. 5.) Remembering lighthearted...I called...Hi, no biggie, just will be in the area, it will be good to see you, short & sweet, he seemed pre-occupied & busy. His voice was a little distant (not really happy). a.) my heart sank when I heard it 6.) touched base a little (remembered that it was good for him to hear my voice...up!)....I wasn't that good, just ok. I was nervous. I hate myself!!! 7.) we made plans 8.) after...like a dope...I txt him to tell him that I'd probably be by earlier in the day rather than later. a.) I felt like I wanted to grab him back to me. I hate this!
Reaction to Risk!
1.) Feeling that needs aren't met. 2.) Feeling sad 3.) Feeling nervous 4.) Wanting to talk to him about 'us'...no good! 5.) Remembering short term goals. 6.) Thinking of 'Ocean', 'Breezes', 'light dancing on water', 'sound of waves', 'feeling of warm sand', 'feeling of nice warm dry day at the beach', 'faint smell of salt in the air', 'sound of seagulls in the distance'...'remembering the A's happy face when moving toward me to embrace me'.
7.) deep breath, this is a step to get me to my ultimate goal...it will be good and I'm ok. 8.) God loves me, parents love me, people love me, I'm good at what I do, L loves me, too...I'm loving, giving, patient, kind, patient...I can do this!