Nerf, don't read in to anything your wife says. Only believe about 50% of what she says.
Your W sounds just like my H. He literally changes completely overnight. I thought we had the perfect M, typical problems but who doesn't have them?
H told me while we were on vacation that he did not love me anymore and was leaving...this was in 12/2006. What followed was his ignorant behavior, blaming me for everything, spending money like a recluse, not actively taking part in his kids lives, etc...
There was an OW involved..I found out about 3 weeks after he left. She was much younger than he was and she was a party girl...and my H was sowing his oats.
After reading DB, I started right away not contacting him, only talking to him about the kids and basically functioning as a single mom. I was very sad but never once did I let on to H how I felt. The one thing I new was that I didn't want a divorce so if H wanted it he was the one who was going to have to do it!
Well, he did. He filed and we went through all the court motions.
H decided at the last minute that he did not want a D and wanted to work on our M. After the way he had treated me and his kids I was ready to throw in the towel...I had gotten used to doing things on my own.
I finally agreed to counseling with him to see what was going on. Seems as if H was a typical "MLC"...he had just turned 40 and we had a newborn...I think it all hit him and he went off the deep end.
How old is your W? It sounds like a MLC...you may want to read that board...great people who have all been through what you are going through. They are a loving group with great advice. If it wasn't for them I would not be where I am today.
My H and I have reconciled our M and it is better than ever now. We know how to communicate and talk to each other...something I think we both took for granted after being married a while.