Another One Bites the Dust (3)

[No Longer BH]

Thanks Gyps.....I find your words so inspirational as well.

Ok, I am going to share my day. Lets just say I got to visit crazy town today. I arrived at Owen's IC appointment and OEO was already there with my son. I went to "my" waiting room area while they stayed in their secluded corner. The Dr took Owen in and talked with him for about 45 min. He then called me and OEO in to talk about how things are going. I had already sent him a very detailed email talking about problems Owen is having, and I copied the angry emails OEO has sent to me and I attached the letter that he sent with the pic of me cut out. When the doc talked to us he started out by saying that neither one of us is putting Owen in the middle (I think he said this because of the emails OEO sent me accusing me of putting him in the middle). I told him about some of the concerns the school counselor has passed on to me, about how Owen doesnt open up but tries to find ways to divert attention from uncomfortable situations. As the session progressed, OEO monopolised the conversation with all of his talk about how he is trying to show Owen a more positive path, a way to see the good in every situation......I just rolled my eyes at this. The doc could see that I was seething with anger by this point. Finally, I just could not keep it in any more and said "Dr Mike, could you PLEASE inform OEO that I am not a bad mother. Could you INFORM him that me talking with my son about our financial situation is not child abuse or me taking his childhood away."

Well, this opened a can of worms and OEO tried to say he never accused me of being a bad mother. He had his therapist read the email he sent to me and they both agreed that it was a very peaceful comment about his concerns. I looked at Dr Mike and said "I forwarded his email to you....did that seem peaceful to you?" The doc was visiably uncomfortable being in the middle, but looked at OEO and said "Tell me how you think that responce was peaceful. There was alot of accusations in what you wrote and I can see how BH felt attacked." I looked at OEO and said "Yep, I forwarded what you sent to me on to Dr Mike." He stammerd a bit and then started to talk and talk and talk about how he is just trying to be a good dad and he just wants what is best for Owen and that he did not accuse me of being a bad mom........whatever.

There were so many things brought up in this session...how Owen does not feel emotionally safe with his dad (which OEO then accused me of brainwashing him to this point of view....surprise, surprise), how Owen felt he needed to lie to his dad and how he hates that his dad lies to him. OEO said that this was all my fault because I told Owen about OW and I had no right to do that. I simply said "I will not lie to him. You need to get that through your head right now. If he comes to me and ask if you are living with you girlfriend I am going to say you need to talk to your dad about that but yes he is. I am not going to protect you. YOu need to start answering his questions instead of lying to him because you are harming your relationship with your son!" Well, he did NOT like that answer but I would not back down. I told him that if Owen was asking these questions, he was needing answers and I was not going to lie to him on anything.

Ok, here is where the weirdness starts. While in with the doc, the contempt I feel for OEO is just dripping from me. I dont hide my emotions well and OEO could tell that I hate him. The doc even ask at one point if I thought I could have a friendly relationship with OEO and I replied h3ll no. I never want to talk to him again. Thank god for email because that is all he is going to get from me anymore. So, the doc calls Owen back in and OEO is in his corner and I am in mine. All I thinking is "God, he is such an @ss." Then I started to think about the fact that I am going to be negotiating my D next week and it may not be in my best interest to leave things the way they are. I walk over to OEO and ask if we can talk. He says absolutely. He is very eager to talk to me. I start off with "When you called me to tell me you wrecked your car, all I could think was, d@mn, the F'er didnt die in the accident." I told him I reconized this was not a healthy place to be, that I did not want to continue to be the bitter exW. I wanted to let things go and move on but it was impossible with him coming in and out of my home. That is when the NC started.

I then appealed to his emotions and talked about how things have been so rough for Owen because of the financial choices that he continues to make. In our conversation I pretty much told him that I hated him, that I would not have contact with him as long as he was with his amoral maggot, that he was a sh!t because he change insurance coverage so that I now could no longer get the surgery I need, that I didnt know how he could look at himself in the mirror knowing what he has done......I did not hold back. I just didnt care anymore, I let him have it. But, I also was appealing to his since of wanting to be the hero. I kept telling him how hard things have been for OWen, how I could not make things work because there just wasnt any money. This is why I say things where wierd...for an hour I told him what a sh!t he is while mixing in pleas of we need money. By the time we left he was thanking me for having this conversation. He was so glad we could communicate and was hoping we could continue doing this in the future. He even called me after I left to leave a voice mail thanking me. He then called again....I handed the phone to Owen. OEO asked if he could talk to me. He told me he was going to pay for the internet connection from here on out, that he was going to try and change insurance coverage so that I could get insurance, was going to call the home owners insurance policy to try and fix that and he was going to give me money as well. Lets just say my jaw hit the floor.

After thinking about it I realized the reason he thought it was a good talk was becasue I gave him the opportunity to be the hero in the situation. It made him feel good to play the good guy and rescue us. Personally, I dont care how he feels, I am just looking at the end game. If I can get him to have simpathy for us while we are discussing the D, then I am in a better place when it comes to the settlement. Still it totally confuses me that he would think our conversation was a good one....not going to question it, just going to chalk it up to the crazy MLC mind. I did bring up how his job is going. Once again, he deflected all blaim from himself and placed it on his mean boss who's performance is not good so needs a fall guy.....OEO is insisting that he is just the fall guy in this situation. I looked at him and said that his life has been a total wreck and maybe that is why he is on the verge of getting fired.....his reply "Yes, it has for the last 18 months, but from Jan 1st until now things are going great." I almost snickerd out loud at that one. Gee I remember last May him telling me that things were bad before but now he is doing great because he found OW, then in July him saying that he had been fighting his depression but he finally got it under controll and was happy, then in Oct him saying that things had been pretty rough emotionally but he finally figured out how to be happy......it was so sad to see the denial spewing from him. Glad I am not caught in that mess.

After it was all over I did have an emotional reaction. It still hurt some to hear some of the things he said, and seeing him reminded me of the feelings I USED to have for him. Made me sad that he chose to take the path he did instead of working through some of the problems we had to make a stronger relationship. But then it was also a reminder of how weak he is and that I deserve so much more than he would ever be able to give me. The good thing was I did not find him attractive at all. I was waiting for that attraction to go away. It is so hard to let go when you are still drawn to them. ANyway, it was a hard day, but I got to say so many things that I wanted to say. I know it went in one ear and out the other....the fact that he thought we had a really good conversation proves that, but at least I think I am in a better position to have better negotiations next week. Here's hopen!