Your H has said that he's through and it can't be fixed, but sometimes, especially if there has been a long time breakdown in communication, people say things that they know will get your attention. If he is not happy in the marriage, and if he thinks that he has tried and you did not respond the way that he thought you should have, he may be lashing out in a way that forces you to act on it.
Kassie's right. You need to come up with small goals. If you want, check out my threads. You can sort of watch me go from a desperate bundle of nerves to someone who has learned a bit better to breathe.
The trouble with DR and DB is that most people find them when they're in a panic. I know that's what I did. I'm seriously considering giving DR to everyone couple I know for their one year wedding anniversary.
If you're like me you probably skipped making the goals and read right through the book looking for that magic pill. But you really need to take a breath and reread the book and go through the steps.
As far as it backfiring, it seldom backfires. That's not to say that everything works. But if something isn't working, you need to change your technique. Look at it this way (but please take it with a grain of salt): He already said its over and that he doesn't want to fix it. That's about worst of the hurt. After that, it can only get better. So give him his space, and resist the urge to cling to him. Hang in there. You'll get through this.
