Innocent

[Jayce]

[color:#FF0000]AHA!!!!!! A real good, mad, noisy, out and out temper tantrum!!![/color]Way to go, Kid! OK, not a tantrum, but at least a small explosion. I don't know what kind of rope you dropped??? (The one you were at the end of? LOL)Missed that book, I guess, anyway, no pussyfooting around. Great!! Now she knows what you really think and the intensity of your feelings. She knows you really mean it. No waffling, hinting, clamming up.

My older son was not always forthcoming, but if you got him mad, you'd know EXACTLY what he thought. Of course that's not the best way to communicate. Better to express yourself politely before you got to the blow up point, but polite doesn't always get heard. So it worked and I admit a few times I made him mad just so he'd get out what he needed to say. H is the same way except for the Passive-Aggressive stuff where he may lash out & say something he doesn't mean. Later he'll recant & say something like "But..." and explain what he really meant. Pain in the ass, but I guess it works. Better than fuming inside all the time & no one knows why.

AND she gave you a real hug the next day. Hmmmmm. You realize my rants and tears are what got thru to my H, right? The day I had the 2 hr crying jag & couldn't stop, he was mad as if it was an act, but he knew. It was way out of character for me. Not seen since D had bad cancer test results. It scared him. It made him realize that he had to do something. I don't like myself when I lose it and scream, I know how I sound . Theory is that no one will change their way of thinking until they have a 'significant emotional event' that causes a revelation. Ya think we provided an emotional event with a rant? A head-slap for them? The light-bulb "OH!"

Not attractive, not proud of it, wanted to talk rationally, got nowhere, got frustrated, got angry & just flat out howling like an animal despaired. Blew up. Didn't apologize, feel bad about it or beat myself up about it after. What felt horrible was being pushed to the point where it was inevitable.

You can only deal w/so much pressure at one time before you'll erupt. Don't apologize or feel bad. Fortunately you did it in a constructive way. You told it like it is for you. Anything she was not clear about or was ignoring is out there for you both to deal with. Cool!

Hey, around here, if you're in the musician's union, you can sign up to get called for gigs like the orchestra for a musical production or show or private event. And lots of the union members play in independent bands, combos, under the table between union gigs. As long as you're doing repairs at your mom's you're skilled enuf to get on w/a remodel/rehab contractor, right? Not a career dream, but money in the meantime Sorry about the lousy job interview. Ya gotta kiss a lot of frogs ......
Jayce