Shine like the star you are!

[sage]

Pam --

How do you have such clear thoughts?

It's a constant challenge! Seriously.

You know how we share the habit of negative, runaway thinking? well, we both know that it can be a detriment to our sitch, right? we get caught up in some negative story and let it run wild...our minds and bodies become convinced that the bad thing we're thinking about has really happened.

But the runaway thinking can also be a good thing if you take some time to guide yourself through the thought process. Picture a scenario where you're in runaway thinking mode...now, instead of just letting the negative thoughts run free...start asking them questions...what am I really thinking here? What am I afraid of? What am I really worried about? If you let your mind wander but still on a leash...you may find out that you know yourself better than you think you do.

I think you have some real strengths, Pam that you could work with here...you said that writing out your thoughts really helps you...you could do that in a "stream of consciousness" way to get at what you really think, feel, etc and then figure out what part of it you OWN and can change. The other thing that you've mentioned is that you have to work through a feeling...in other words, not try to talk yourself out of it. That is SO key because in order to identify what you can do to change a sitch you really have to work through all the anxiety and fear.

In order to really understand what a 180 would be for me, I had to sit with what is actually a terrifying situation for me -- the thought that h will get involved with another woman.

I have a question for you I know having read some of your threads at times you have dealt with issues that were yours and not really anything caused your H's actions. What my take is on how you handled them when it was repeat sorts of things is you just kept working on back talking your ASSumptions and logically thinking things through and sitting goals for yourself to work towards. Would that be what you would say?

So...part of this is what I said above and part of it is training my mind...

I feel like a broken record but I truly believe that my daily meditation practice has made all the difference.

also, listening to audiotapes helps too...I think because my brain really gets it when it hears stuff (as opposed to seeing stuff).

I'm currently listening to "Women Who Think Too Much" by Susan Nolen-Hoeksema. It's essentially about the runaway thinking syndrome. TBH, I haven't found it terribly insightful about how to STOP runaway thinking (well, I'm only halfway through) but it does give some reasonable insights into why one might do it.

Another book that helped me develop more compassion for myself (and others) is "Love is Letting Go of Fear" by Gerald G. Jampolsky.

Sage