Puppy Dog Tails

[Still Waters]

With all do respect, Steve, I have to disagree with every single thing you said.

I discovered the A one week ago and haven't snooped since. A tad bit early to be saying that it hasn't helped me one bit, don't you think? And besides, my W has actually THANKED me for exposing her A. She was in denial and it was eating her alive. The woman was a wreck. She's still devastated, but at least she's now confronting her demons and has the support of her family as she tries to make good choices going forward. If I hadn't snooped and exposed she would still be a walking time bomb.

Yes, my M is no better. But it's been 1 week! And at least now my W is on the road to healing herself. She's back in therapy (with a solutions-based therapist) and she's talking to her family again. Who knows what that means for our M, but I feel better knowing that W isn't struggling alone with all this guilt and shame.

Did I feel better after I found out? In a way, yes. I found out that I wasn't paranoid and I knew why my W, a woman I loved, was in such a bad state. I knew why she had been breaking down sobbing every time I saw her, and I could take steps to try and help her heal.

And by the way, bro, I know darn well that my journey is just beginning. And I HAVE been doing everything else I've supposed to be doing. My main focus has always been on myself and GAL. I've gotten into the best shape of my life, things are going great at my job, I've reconnected with old friends and made new ones, I've read lots of great books, and I've formed a closer bond with my family. Just because I chose to bust up my W's affair at the same time I was doing all that doesn't mean I wasn't DBing at the same time.

I don't hate my W for having an affair. It hurt me deeply and she will have to work to rebuild my trust in her. But venom? Hate? Not even close. The day I exposed her A I told my W that I could forgive her and that I was ready, willing, and able to start working on rebuilding my trust in her. And that's still true today.

I have great respect for DB and DR, but there is no such thing as a one size fits all remedy for saving a marriage. You take what works for you from DR, and you use it. But that doesn't mean you can't look to outside sources for other ideas.