I just e-mailed you, so let me know when you get it, ok?
You've posted a few things that have stood out to me:
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She's opted to let her past destroy our family - and that's her choice to live with now. I have a lot of pain because of it - and far more sadness than I ever thought I could have endured...but I know that I'll get through this okay. I just know it...I felt it tonight as I spent time out of this house...as I think this house has become something of a tomb for my spirit...and I look forward to getting out of it and feeling my spirit lift again.
Kindred spirits, you and I
Moving out of my house - or the tomb of my spirit, as you put it - has been very theraputic for me. I feel you'll find the same relief.
Also, understanding choices is a good thing. She made her choice and although it does wreak havoc on your heart, you can only try to heal and not blame. Sadness is overwhelming at times, but the feelings lead us closer and closer to finding our true self.
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this isn't about her at all...this is about me...and the change I am going through and what it means to me. I am about to go through a profound, painful change in my life - and my thoughts about her have nothing to do with what I have to do. My work is not done - clearly - since I have already started to falter a bit here in forgetting that I am in charge of my life and my happiness - not her - not anyone...Only I can complete me...and that's what I'm processing now...the parts of me that I gave over to her - that allowed my happiness to depend too much on her - and the FEAR that when I move from this home, when I accept this R/M as over, that those memories of happiness will take with them my happiness...but that is a false fear...since my happiness is not attached to my memories...rather, my happiness is in me and dependent on my willingness to accept my life and take action based on what has been presented to me as my journey.
I can't add much except to say, you've got it. Great catch! Isn't it freeing when we discover these little "secrets?"
I'm a firm believer in loving people forever, so I think you are completely justified in loving her for the rest of your life. There is a difference in "loving" and "being in love" and as you heal and grow, you'll leave the "in love" stage and be ok with doing it.
Carlos, I would love to see an 11th hour turnaround from your W and I pray that all of my DB friends get another shot w/the ones they love. That said, if it doesn't occur, I have no doubt in you and how you will end up.
