But the day I discovered and exposed the affair was the first day that I felt like I had some control back. And it COMPLETELY changed the dynamic between my W and I. It pulled my W out of denial and made her realize that what she had done was terrible. And it has made my W take a long hard look at her actions, and realize that she doesn't like who she has become. And while it's true that so far our M is no better than it was before I exposed (one week ago today), my state of mind is so much better. Because knowledge is power.
So my advice to all newbies is to do whatever you can do to find out if there's an EA/PA in progress. Because it changes your approach big time.
Even had you know the affair was going on before, you would STILL be spinning your wheels. Knowledge is power? Did you feel better after your found out? How about if up front, you assumed that an affair was going on, without ANY particular details. Then, if you still want to save the marriage, you move forward with DB.
I hate to tell you this bro, but your journey is just beginning and biting from the fruit of the "tree of snooping" is going to be a curse that haunts you for some time to come. Unless you FORGET about the danged affair and start doing everything else you are supposed to be doing, then your marriage might very well be doomed. Because with that knowledge comes venom and hate... hard to repair anything when that is present.
