180 when your mistake was abandoning

[Still Waters]

I guess that's an I-told-you-so.

Oh I know it. Puppy, you were the first one on here who asked me "How do you know she's not having an affair?" And of course I said "No way, not my wife! She's a goody goody who would never do that to me!" Yeah right.

It was like a seed was planted in my head. The more I thought about it, the more sense it made. So I started to snoop, and low and behold what did I find? A full blown affair.

During the whole time when I didn't know about the affair, it felt like I was spinning my wheels. I had no idea what I was up against or what I should do, and everything I did seemed to backfire. We even went to counseling and it was a disaster. I wonder why? Maybe because my W was having an A at the time!

But the day I discovered and exposed the affair was the first day that I felt like I had some control back. And it COMPLETELY changed the dynamic between my W and I. It pulled my W out of denial and made her realize that what she had done was terrible. And it has made my W take a long hard look at her actions, and realize that she doesn't like who she has become. And while it's true that so far our M is no better than it was before I exposed (one week ago today), my state of mind is so much better. Because knowledge is power.

So my advice to all newbies is to do whatever you can do to find out if there's an EA/PA in progress. Because it changes your approach big time.