Renee` please dont take anyone to show off to your xh, take a friend or family member for your support. Dont stoop to his level...nothing will be gained. Showing him youve moved on ( when you really havent) will NOT bring him home.
This childwhore on his arm will be easily recognized and not for good. In fact it will more than likely bring him some unwanted attention.....oh let him be the star of his own nitemare of his own doing! he will deserve it all. You will be elegant and dignified on the other hand.
have you seen a dr about depression meds or anxiety meds????? Please do soon. The only way i survived a court appearence about a D was zanax. you sound so wrought some meds would help stabilize your wheeling emotions.
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
a new 2moro I am taking paxil 20mg, sad aint it, I still am not doing so well at times. BUT GOD is getting me thru it. I have hard times, I get angry and show it, but I am learning.
UPDATE ON SON: My son just walked in the door about an hour and a half ago. His dad dropped him off. (remember what I wrote earlier about him moving in with his dad and other woman). Anyway I was surprised to see him, but told him I was glad he was home. He hugged me and told me he was sorry. He started talking and I just listened, asking very few questions. He said Mom that was just too weird for me and dad said he understood. He said, "Mom that girl is sooo young and very skinny (they say she is a pack of bones), he said, when I got in the truck with them she sat in the middle, right on top of dad and put her arm around him.", He said it was sick. My son also said, "She sits in the same chair with dad and hugs on him ALL the time. Dad doesnt really hug on her. I asked him if his dad seemed Happy, and he said not really, but he didnt know....and I am sure he didnt want to hurt me. He said the girl didnt talk and was really quiet. OPPOSITE of me. I talk constantly....so I guess he was looking for something different. My son said she had her stuff ALL over the bathroom. He also said, she had bought my xh a 130.00 pair of shoes and had bought Nascar tickets to a race in March. Instead of my xh spending money on her, she is spending big bucks on him sounds like huh? My son said it felt so weird and that NO ONE would EVER replace his MOM. (smiling).
I guess he needed to see that, maybe now he will understand my point of view. He also told me that xh said he was SURPRISED that I hadnt called him..????? I dont understand this because he got a protection order against me and I wasnt allowed to call. I guess he figured I would break it. He told my son I needed to keep up the good work of not contacting him. Sounds desperate to keep me away doesnt it to you? XH is gonna get a surprise, because after we go to court and IF the order is lifted I still am NOT going to contact him! This little bit of time has made me realize I CAN live without talking to him after all. And while in court I am keeping my mouth SHUT!!!! He is gonna see that I am getting over him little by little. I still love him, but he dont have to know that. ALSO, I will be looking GOOD! The ow is a pack of bones, size -0, and she has been talking about me being a size 14-16. She says my xh has moved on to "smaller and better". I dont blame her for him leaving me BUT I do not appreciate the stuff she throws in my face and the talk she does about me. I AM a better person and wiser because I AM older!
I just wanted to drop by real quick. Please understand I am in no way bashing you. I just hope you are putting your focus on you. The one thing that really helps throughout this is doing things for yourself. Treating yourself to something. Trying something new.
I just know from experience that when you place all of your focus on them and their insantiy it really drags you down.
I know it doesn't seem natural but you have to make this all about you right now and that doesn't mean your giving up, just distancing yourself from all of this and be careful not to bash your x in front of your son.
Thanks trapt I know no one is bashing me, everyone is giving spot one advice, I just had a hard time starting to listen. My xh is apparently crazy about "2" women, but one of them doesnt do anything but flirt and lead him on. The other one lives with him. How long does these childish relationships last? Does anyone know? Does the WAS usually fall hard when they meet ow? My xh said he would never live with anyone and anyone would never live with him. When I asked him about this ow staying with him every night. He said, "she just spends the nights, she doesnt live here" HELLO, isnt that the same thing? (by the way I had asked him this earlier, not lately) I try so hard not to think about them, and sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesnt. I am trying to GAL the best way I know how. How do you get the other ow and xh off your min? My xh was dating around and had been with 3 or 4 different women until this girl, now she lives with him. So I assume he really is starting to care for her. He told me awhile back, that when you spend enough time with someone, they grow on you.
How long does these childish relationships last? Does anyone know? Does the WAS usually fall hard when they meet ow?
Who knows....Listen it is absolutely pointless to try and time stamp ANYTHING when it comes to this. EVERYTHING is irrational. You said it "childish" is exactly what it is. It revisiting childhood in many many ways. One of the hardest things to accept is when we tell you that he is not the man you know right now, You have to realize that. He is gone....will he be back, I think someday....but this takes YEARS.
Do you want to look back on your life after all of this and regret that you didn't live those years to the fullest because you were caught up in the insanity that you have no control over or do you want to look back and say you know, I walked through hell and did it with beautiful stregnth and loving grace. During that time I allowed it to change me for the better. There are some really valuable lessons here to grow you into a much better you. THAT is all you can do right now.
Be a good example for your son. TEACH him how to handle this in a powerful way. Show him just how strong you are.You have to accept that you have no control over this. It's terrible...believe me I'm right smack in the middle of it with you along with everyone else here.
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My xh said he would never live with anyone and anyone would never live with him. When I asked him about this ow staying with him every night. He said, "she just spends the nights, she doesnt live here" HELLO, isnt that the same thing?
Sounds like a teenager right? Remember that when you deal with him, he is an emotional, irrational teen for now. He will never have a serious, deep loving relationship with anyone will in outerspace. He can't. They USE each other. They fill a void in themselves in a shallow superficial way.
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I try so hard not to think about them, and sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesnt. I am trying to GAL the best way I know how. How do you get the other ow and xh off your min?
Patience and time....Loads of it. For both of you. You have to make the effort to focus on you. How do you learn something new?? You do it with practice. You take one step at a time. Pamper yourself, change something about you that needs change. Try something new. Go do something you have always wanted to but couldn't. You are giving him all of your power and energy.
Taking care of you is all you can do for now. You have to just leave him be and allow this process to change you and him for the better. The more he is focused on blaming you for all his problems the longer this will take. You can make this longer and more difficult if you choose to.
One day at a time, one foot in front of the other.
Thanks Trapt! I wanted to ask you if your xh is living with ow? I dont think I have read your story yet. How long are you into this? I am going to start from scratch and put my story on here, starting with, what now I see as the beginning of this journey. I want to try and get some sort of timeline if I can. I know I wont be exact, but I would like to get some opinions on my beginning. After reading the resource threads I think it started 2 years ago maybe.
Guys I go to court in the morning for the protection order. I am a little nervous, because I havent really seen or talked to my xh in almost 7 days! A lifetime for me, although it has NOT been has bad as I thought it would be. I really havent had the urge to call him. I know he will this "girl" on his arm, and it will be the first time I get to come face to face with them. Please pray for me, I will need the strength. How should I act? Should I be upbeat and happy, or should I just go with the flow and act normal. Should I let him see me cry? (I am afraid I will when I see them together). Please advise me.
I'm still married as of right now. I am six months into a divorce that is moving at a snails pace. I am two years into this however. My wife (LOL!!!!) moved out ten months ago. I have two small chidren S2 and D4.
Try your best tomorrow to "act as if." Do your absolute best to NOT show your xh ANY negative emotions and don't feel intimidated. Act upbeat but don't over do it. NO do not let them see you cry. Take today to relax and prepare yourself. You said it "go with the folw" and remain upbeat.
You can do it!!
Be STRONG and CONFIDENT. Just act like everything is cool.
I do not know if my wife is still seeing anyone or not right now. It is not important.
The MLC'er and the low life they chose are perfect for one another. Neither are capable of having a real relationship. The other person is just a symptom to their problem.
They use them to avoid looking inside for the real issues that they need to face.
I chose not to give the op, if there still is, any power or head space. They are NOT worth it. They are LOSERS.
Let him look like the idiot he is! You stand tall and dignified....please bring a friend or family memebr
See your son made the right choice!
Me 53 H 51 OW 25 Bomb may 06 left june 8/ 06 ILYBNILWY (twice!) 7/6/07 H wants to come home 7/21/07 H comes home 7/07 -7/08 long haul letting go of OW now piecing in earnest
Renee, You are still allowing that woman to have entirely too much space in your head. She's not paying rent...boot her out of your thoughts.
If you want to take someone to court w/you, then take a family member or a close friend. You are doing this for your support, not to show him that you're moving on, etc. Whatever you do w/your life from the time he walked, etc., everything is now for you and your son. The changes you make have to be for YOU and they must become permanent if you like them. Nothing you do now is for your h. He's gone and he will most likely be gone for a good while. So, live your life to the fullest and do it for you.
Good luck tomorrow! Hold your head up high, back straight and put a smile on your face. Show this man you can be the best that you can be.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
