This is going to sound simplistic because it is - here goes - it's wrong for your H to have close FFs or you to have close MFs - it just does no good for an intimate marriage (keep in mind, I'm saying "close" friends here - i.e. ones you share intimate things with for instance). I learned this early on from both sides in my M.
And, since we dealt with it early in our M, at least that was never a problem for us. I enjoy being around my group of male friends - it's important that I have that, just as it's important that my W has her group of FFs.
What do I really need from another FF that I shouldn't be able to get from my W and my MFs? Nothing but trouble as far as I 'm concerned.
Do you have any close MFs? I'm guessing not. How would your H like it if you did? I'm guessing not very much. So, again, simplistic, but it comes down to a matter of respect IMO.
Now, that gets me to my two book recommendations:
1) "Love Life for Every Married Couple" by Ed Wheat - this one is Christian-based, and frankly, I cannot tell if that would be a problem for you, so my apologies if it would. But it provides a pretty good blueprint for what most would consider an ideal marriage (and it specifically advises against having close friends of the opposite sex). Because I know we've discussed the pros and cons of carrying around in your head the idea of what a perfect M should be, I think this book lays it out pretty well in b&w - so if you could both read it, that'd be great.
2) "Talk Your Way to an Intimate Marriage", by Donald Harvey. The title says it all, and since one of your issues is intimacy, I highly recommend this one. By the way, this guy is my personal C right now and I'm really learning a lot from him otherwise.
Well, there you have it for now. Let me know what you think if you get around to reading them (they're obviously a little off the beaten path of DR, 5LL, Road Less Traveled and so forth, so I hope you find them interesting).
