I don't want to give the impression that I do everything. She does the bills, does the Saturday cleaning of the house with our daughters, ( I help if I have Saturday off), most of the food shopping, and most of the cooking, although not as much as before as she goes out more often. I think it's about equal in our responsibilities around the house. I do the homework, act the handyman, take care of outside, take our girls to their appointments ect...
Her loss of weight, going out a lot (with people you can't confirm or talk to, I imagine), starting a new hobby, moving you to the basement......I could be very wrong, but it sounds to me like she is having an affair.
I've talked to 1 of them - she's about 60 years old - a co-worker with my wife and she assures me my wife goes to her house when she says she is. My wife took my older daughter with her to another friend's the other day. I'm afraid that if she gets tired of going out so much, she will still find a way to think I'm her problem. She has become stubborn, because she believes that her therapy has given her great insights to her feelings, so if what she's doing isn't making her feel better, then her therapy has been a waste.
I've talked to 1 of them - she's about 60 years old - a co-worker with my wife and she assures me my wife goes to her house when she says she is. My wife took my older daughter with her to another friend's the other day. I'm afraid that if she gets tired of going out so much, she will still find a way to think I'm her problem. She has become stubborn, because she believes that her therapy has given her great insights to her feelings, so if what she's doing isn't making her feel better, then her therapy has been a waste.
I can't say this is unfamiliar territory for me, my wife is going through depression and possibly bi-polar, I went through that "divorced wives club" nonsense as well.
The one thing is this, they are depressed but well enough to possibly pursue a new life, improve their image enough in hopes of finding someone new. The depression thing becomes an excuse for that behavior - plus when they go out with their "club" to whoever knows where, they seem to be in good spirits which suggests the ability to switch off the depressed feelings when it's convenient.
Plus lately, all you have to do is tell the doctor you're sad, have trouble sleeping, have a $hitty marriage or hard work life and a doctor will write you a prescription for anti-depressants, you almost wonder if they're getting commission off every sale, these meds are so wide-spread, it's the new legal drug of choice for many people looking for a slight escape from reality.
180's are what you need to do, whether or not you will do them is entirely up to you.
Do the opposite of what you've been doing.
If you've been overly nice, comforting, pampering, etc. Be apathetic - don't show any emotion.
If you've been overly communicative, limit communication to responses only and make them brief.
If you are pursuing her, pull back, stop pursuing, allow a space between the two of you and maintain the space until she starts to fill the void by getting closer to you.
I didn't buy her anything for Valentine's . I took out my mother and my daughters and didn't even ask her to come. When she comes home, there might be some issue of the day to cover, but that's about the only contact we have. It is difficult for me, but it is also rewarding to be able to adapt to this new setup. I am becoming more independent and I am enjoying not having to get permission to go out. The next time the gutters separate like they did yesterday, I'll tell her to get the ladder out Can't wait for that reaction !
Can't wait for that reaction !