Spellfire # 3 - Need a campfire here

[pearlharbr]

Gosh Lucky, I wouldn't consider myself a wiser member, just someone coming from the perspective of your LDS.

So unfortunately I have no idea how you turn it off in your head. You'd have to ask my xBF since he apparently lived with it for so long he lost the desire (according to him).

I think a "fake it 'til you make it" or "as if" approach may work. If you keep up with the consistent actions and reassuring your S that you want to initiate physical contact without it leading to ML you will eventually focus more on that and the counting will stop.

The important thing is the sincerity behind your actions and words. We LDS can feel the pressure whether it's overt or implied. And believe it or not, it does make us feel bad that we know we aren't giving you what you want/need. At least that was true in my case.

Ultimately, what we harp on in A/WAS situations is true for a SSM: you cannot control someone else's actions. The only thing you can do is work on yourself and what you do in any given sitch. If you continue to focus on what your S is or isn't doing to improve your M it's just going to drive you crazy.