I'm just looking for ways to make her realize that he's the short-fat-integrity-lacking dips**t that he is.
Or, should I just ignore it, like it doesn't bother me.
You make him look bad by being the better person.
Exactly! There is nothing that you can do, say, or write to her or him that is going to change or stop anything. Only your actions have a CHANCE at doing that. It is difficult to fathom, but it is the truth.
Anything that you do to try and bump him down a peg or two will probably actually elevate his status in her mind. "Manning up" isn't something you say or the demands you make, it is your actions.
I know your first inclination is to put a stop to the EA, but as others have said you cannot control another person's actions. The sooner you can concentrate on yourself the better.
Trust me, I know this is way easier said than done. For me, I tried to ignore it but got to a point where I couldn't take it anymore so I kicked him out of the house. Felt so good to take control of the situation and show him I meant business when I said I would not tolerate it.
You have to overcome the fear of doing something that will push your S away forever. It took me a while to get there even though others were telling me to kick him to the curb. I had to really know that it was the right thing to do. When I felt that in my core I swiftly took action and haven't second guessed myself.
It's been a month since I kicked him out. We have had hardly any contact, only business things. He's moving into an apt this weekend and out of the blue yesterday he says he wants to know if there's any hope for us. I'm not saying that happens for everyone, but being strong and maintaining boundaries is good for you no matter the outcome.
Way to go Pearl, you showed a lot of strength - that's how it's done. Setting boundaries with how people treat you tells people that you respect yourself enough to let go of the people in your life that don't respect you.
Should I write on her facebook page in her conversations with him to bring him down a peg?
Or, should I just ignore it, like it doesn't bother me.
Neither. The first one is sophomoric game-playing, and the latter is disingenuous.
Contact is contact. Tell her you know she's contacting him, it needs to stop, and that YOU cannot live in a marriage where your wife continues to have contact with a person she had an affair with, and perhaps still is. Then if she does, you tell HER to leave.
