Phew! Thanks Pearlharbr. I was hoping a wiser member would step in. You also helped me in your second paragraph, so thanks.
Question, Pearlharbr: How do you turn off the monitoring? I (and I'm sure Mike and many others) can't help but notice what my spouse is and is not doing. How do you change your head? It is so frustrating to know that it's a problem, understand that it has to change or you'll never move forward, but then not be in control of how you internalize what you see happening right in front of you. How do you achieve that level of wisdom and maturity that actually changes your perspective? I feel like I've been working so hard, and I'm still failing when I feel disappointed when my spouse doesn't seem to be working at it. All the 2x4's in the world don't seem to help me. DUH. Maybe I need to give myself an electric shock every time I focus on him. I feel helpless against my own brain.
Sorry, Mike, to hijack. I thought the answer to this question might help you too.
