I believe he is in the 3rd or Replay stage. I will never know if and when he moves to another stage because we will have no further contact. Given his past issues and his personality, he seems the type to keep spinning.
No. Never did counselling in the past. I come from a family of five children and each of us has different issues from growing up in our household. It's really quite interesting. The women (three of us) talk about it quite a bit and I am certainly congizant of my own self-esteem and confidence issues which I can trace back to my dad.
I read one of those "Adult Children of Alcoholics" books once but honestly, those self-help type things aren't for me. It just seemed to be a lot of horrible stories, each one worse than the other, that made me grateful that my dad appeared to be a better than average drunk.
I grew up in a rural community where everyone was very inter-twined and I would take my father over any of the fine upstanding and sober neighbourhood fathers anyday. He was sometimes verbally abusive and could be very cruel but he, despite what demons were biting him, adored his wife and children and did his best under some very trying financial circumstances.
There is no doubt that my past played a big part in my attaction to my h and I have always know that. Didn't see a MLC coming though! My dad and my h have a few personality traits in common as well -- some good, some not so good -- but my father would NEVER have abandoned his wife and/or children.
