Just keep swimming...PH #4

[pearlharbr]

Ok, I've thought about it more and discussed with BFF. Now I'm really offended in addition to being angry.

Let's take a closer look...

I miss you and still care for you.

Wow, that's some declaration. Not even ILY.

I've done a lot of things and said a lot of things that have hurt you and am very sorry.

What exactly would those things be? Having an affair and lying about it?? Doesn't even rate a mention. You're sorry? That's all?

Some of the things I've said are true while I think other stuff was said as a way to try to explain things I didn't really have an answer for.

So I'm supposed to know what was true and what was total bs?

I'm in a better mental state now and would like to explore if there is any hope for us.

Not exactly crawling or begging. And this is supposed to be enough to get me back?

I was only able to focus on what I perceived as issues without being able to focus on all the good things we had going - I am over that now.

Nothing about me, only that the sitch might not have been as bad as he thought. Nice. Reminds me of what he said in MC - he stayed with me because it was easier than leaving. And why he didn't end things before we moved to AK even though he supposedly wasn't happy then - because it's easier to move to a new place with someone rather than on your own. Yeah, we did have a lot of good things going because I made his life easier!

But I also understand if you are done and want nothing to do with me. Let me know if you would be willing to chat.

So now it's on me if we split permanently. As if he has no say or responsibility in the decision. Willing to chat? Yeah, because it's something we can discuss over afternoon tea.

Overall it's a pathetic attempt, if you can even call it that. If he thinks this is enough to win me back he must be smoking crack. Obviously I'm still to worked up to respond in a calm manner. I don't even know if I can dignify it with a response. Grr. Going to bed now, hopefully this doesn't interfere with my sleep.

[gucci loafer]

Well, we have him coming back to you in his typical easy way out way. NOT good enough. NOPE. I wouldn't play my cards yet one way or the other unless you know without a doubt that you won't take him back. The following comments are the route I think you should take whether you want him back or not. Might as well let him know what you think about some of the bonehead things he has said and done.....

Now is the time to throw out to him a few (not all of them yet)of the issues that you didn't like and some of the things HE said to you that you can now use to your advantage.

You have to remember to act and sound like a WS now as much as ever.

For example:

I've done a lot of things and said a lot of things that have hurt you and am very sorry.


What exactly would those things be? Having an affair and lying about it??

This is a great comment and answer to say back to him. I would add to that comment something like this...

"What exactly would those things be? Having an affair and lying about it?? I want to be with someone who I trust and want to be with someone who doesn't lie to me and hurt me. You obviously are not that type of man"

Also it is good to tell him something like this...

"I just don't think it would work because I want to be with someone I trust and someone who I feel is my best friend. We were never friends"

and something like this...

"You also told me that you stayed with me because it was easier than leaving. I will never be with someone again who feels that way about our relationship. I tried and tried with you, but I can now see that it just wasn't working for us. I want to be with someone who loves me and WANTS to be with me and isn't just staying because it is easier on him."

Those are the types of things to say to him now. He is in the beginning stages of panic. Way too early to give it another chance even if that is what you want. Act like a WS and tell him some of the things you didn't like and why it won't work. He will probably then come back and tell you why he will change...

Don't tell him you love him. (It is OKAY to tell him that you "DID" LOVE HIM AND DID EVERYTHING YOU COULD TO SHOW HIM)(the key word is DID.


You seem to be in a great place. He is still taking the easy way out. This is because you have him conditioned to taking this approach. Time to step it up here and show him that taking the easy way doesn't work anymore with you.

[Tawnya]

{{{{Pearl}}}} Yes my friend..tears night indeed! LOL..but good for you to read between the lines and really get down to it!

Tawnya

[silvagod]

Pearl!, you were the hardest to track down!

Have made it now though.

Back tracking a little....did you team up with Mr 'let's give pearl free drinks' barman and kick ass at the quiz then?

With regards to your ExBF..You did exactly what I would have done and look VERY closely at what was actually being said. Go you! IMHO, I don't think it even warrants a reply. It is what you said, a pathetic half hearted attempt to get you to talk. I would guess then he would swing the convo round to making excuses for all he has done, why you made him do it, how you need to be to make sure he doesn't do it again...blah blah blah.

I maybe wrong, but from here I smell a big fat rat.

[lemonsnap]

Hi Pearl,
Whoa! You have certainly had a crazy few days!
Good for you for taking your time to think this over. I've found that approach to be SO valuable.
I think it's OK not to respond if you don't want to.
I find that writing is also easier for me sometimes as it allows me to better control my emotions than face to face interactions -especially when I'm feeling angry or frustrated!

[pearlharbr]

(((Silva)))

I didn't think I'd be hard to track down, kept the same title!

I did go to the bar and had dinner and a beer, but that manager wasn't there nor was my favorite bartender. I wasn't in the mood to make it through trivia so I just left after I was done eating. But will try to get a team together to go back another trivia night.

I didn't sleep well at all last night and that just makes me angrier that he still has the ability to affect me.

So now I need to decide if I'm going to be here tomorrow when he comes over to pick up things for his new apt. Do I stick to the original plan or just not be here? I'm leaning toward sticking to the plan and leaving before he can corner me on anything serious.

[silvagod]

Pearl, it was just me having a 'blonde' moment and forgetting thread titles

If I was you, I would NOT be there. From the email that was sent, I have a feeling that he would start and try to manipulate you. Be gone girl, be gone

[lemonsnap]

Pearl,
Especially if you're not ready/willing to discuss the letter he sent you, DON'T be there.

The likelihood of him bringing it up is VERY high, and you don't need that right now!

Be gone, doing somthing FUN!!!!!!!!

[pearlharbr]

Grr, the bank transfer failed again. So this is now going on two weeks. I want my chunk of money! I don't think it's a control issue, here's the message from xBF:

The bank transfer failed again – I will leave a check for a portion of it on Saturday while I try to figure out what is wrong.

Still thinking about being here or not, now leaning toward not.

Puppy & Gucci, what are your thoughts on this?

[Tawnya]

{{{{Pearl}}}} ugh the money thing is annoying isn't it??!!

Well let us know what you decide, I totally opted for not and I"m glad I did..

Tawnya