Que Sera, Sera - Whatever Will Be, Will Be

[lemonsnap]

Kassie - thanks so much for coming over to see me! I'll come and check out your thead soon too.
Pearl - you're so sweet! Thanks for sending out the red alert.

Yesterday, oddly, was a pretty good day. After Wednesday, which was probably the WORST day of my life (when H, through MC, told me he has NO interest in working on our M) I think there was nowhere to go but up. I was suprisingly calm and detached and was able to keep my wild emotions in check. Didn't even cry!

I was able to interact on a completely friendly level with my H, and gave him friendly encouragement about finding an apartment, his exam at school and other things.

I've stopped saying ILY, have stopped calling him nicknames, am not calling/texting him unless it's practical/business related, have even started knocking to go in the bathroom when he's in there. He's expressed that he only wants to be friends, so that's what I'm giving him. I think he's unaware that I'm doing this with the hopes that it will help us reconnect, but that's the way I'd like it to stay right now. He doesn't need to know. Actually, he shouldn't know, because I don't think he'd like it.

This morning I made him coffee (I've stopped drinking it and he always made it previously) and toast for breakfast while he was showering - he seemed really surprised.

I'm learning that suffering from PTSD is common after an infidelity, and is even called "Post-Infidelity Stress Disorder." It mimics a lot of the symptoms that combat or major disaster trauma also reflect. There are certainly things that can be done to help it (specific types of therapy, anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medications, etc) but the issue is the PTSD sufferer has to be willing to undergo the treatment.

I don't think my H is there. He's even expressed doubt as to whether he will attend another MC session with me after tonight's. (Using his logic, why would he continue to attend if he has no hope for the relationship?)

It's going to be a LONG road for both of us - and of course I worry about his well being, especially if he's not willing/able to get help for himself.

In the end, the only person I can help is me.