stella: dancing in limbo

[stella_k]

Thank you for your support, Beginners. Sounds selfish, I know, but I'm glad I'm not the only one having difficulties with GAL and PMA. It's been over two years too...

journaling.

H has a website with loads of pics he's taken and my face used to be all over the place. It's been a while since I checked it out, last time was September, I think. I was afraid of what I may see.
Yesterday, I saw my H's name mentioned on someone's blog, the person was discussing H's photos and there was H's website address and I clicked on it. I was shocked. All my pics are still there. The photo of two of us. The photo with H, me and D18. My portraits.
Not a single one of OW.

???

I'm very happy, of course, but I don't understand. No OW?

Was he too busy to change pics?

Did he forget?

More mixed messages from him?

Today he called my cell asking if I'm home. I said no, I've told you yesterday, I'm not going to be there in the morning. He said, oh, pity, I'm in the neighbourhood, do you mind if I come over and pick up the book I need (he has the key)? I said, sure, go ahead.

When I came home I realized that I have wilted flowers in a vase on the table, right in the middle of the room. I didn't throw them away because I couldn't be bothered . I don't buy flowers for myself and H knows it (these were given to me by FF). I wonder if it looks like VD flowers, too precious to be thrown away . I sure hope H didn;t see it the way it really is: that I'm too depressed to care. Luckily, the rest of the apt was ok, quite tidy.

I've decided to avoid seeing H at all cost, web site notwithstanding. If he wants to see me he has to SAY SO, not the "just happened to be nearby" or "need to pick up my book" crap.

(((everyone)))

PS. he called a minute ago, when I was about to press "submit".
Told me that the shop (the reason he was in the neighborhood) was closed, now he has to come again TUE. I need to make sure I'm gone on Tue as well.