Yoyo's Playhouse

[SueS]

Hi Yoyo-

Lady!....Good for you for standing your ground. We all know that you deserve better treatment.

Don't feel bad for OW. Stop and think about how she got into this. She left her H and made plans of being with your H even before your H left you. She, and she only put herself in this situation. Yes, she's in it with your H, but SHE put herself in this, not you. She KNEW what she was doing and the risks she was taking by getting involved with her boss. I'd say that nearly ALL of our spouses are telling lies to us and to the OP's. She's no victim here.

I agree....don't get rid of the pets. If you DD20 has a dog at your H's house now, why is he so set on them having to be gone for him to come back? I don't get that reasoning.

I know that your pc hasn't been working lately, but check for an email, okay. No worries about having to respond.

You're doing great! Take care-

SueS

[Sara]

I sent an email

[hope3343]

Yoyo~ congrats you finally came out swinging those 2x4s. Kudos long time coming.

I must admit I went in the house very angry and emotional. H and I got in a very heated conversation. I told him that I was tired of his lies. I told everything in front of OW how he had been lying saying they weren't seeing each other and that's why I continued to see him. He tried to say I was lying. I gave her dates and times. He walked out of the room. She told me "I know he is lying. I knew something was up, just didn't know what. That's why I came over here."

Is this the yoyo that is usually meek and mild! H must have been shocked. It is about time that he becomes accountable. He has used up his love bank at this point.

He got very angry and said some very hurtful things. He said he was with the OW. He kept telling me to leave, but I told him I would not leave until he admitted to his lies. He finally did. He apologized to both of us for all of the lies and knew he had hurt both of us very badly. I then walked out. I came to realize that OW was victim too. He had lied to her also.

STOP... liked this paragraph till OW is a victim too! She is not a victim, she is a homewrecker. A victim is one of rape. She raped your family of all common decency. So he lied to her. What should she expect with a cheate. Do not agree with that.

He said, "I am so sorry, but you just kept pushing my buttons." I asked him if he was really in love with the OW. He said, "No, I just said that because I knew that was what you wanted to hear." I told him that I did not want to talk to him because he was not the man I had married.

Of course you are pushing his buttons. It is called accountability. Not used to you standing up for yourself. You must have taken your "supergirl pill"

"It will be too hurtful to all 3 of us for you to work with him." She said, "You don't have to worry about me, I know he is a liar."

Of course she knows he a liar -- and a cheat...she lived it for 2 years and did not care about your feelings. Get MAD.

We are still at an impasse. He doesn't want to fire her because he feels bad for her because she is supporting two children with one of them being in college. I hate to say it but in a way I do feel badly for her because of all the lies he told her too. I understand that how hard it would be for her to get another job. He still says that the pets, that the girls love so much, must go for him to come home. It seems to me he doesn't want to give, but expects a lot out of me and the girls.

You are too nice YOYO. . I know she has children and so do you. Your children have not had a full time father in 2 years. This OW knew what she was getting into. She is a secretary. That is one of the easiest jobs to get. There is still a demand. Your husband keeps saying what a great secretary she is; give her a letter of recommendation and send her on her way or give her a pink slip to collect. Do not feel sorry for the homewrecker. It is enough and it is time. Time for Plan B letter where YOU set the boundaries. If you want an example of this type of letter let me know. Main points in your case -- NC with OW and the pets stay! No more excuses that he can use for his bad behavior.

Very proud of you.

[Matilda2]

(((Yoyo)))

[Yoyowife]

TGIF!!!!
I hope everyone has a nice weekend. I will attend DD's game tonight. Wow, just 3 more and it will be the last time I see her cheer and dance. Where have the years gone? She's still my baby, she shouldn't be gradauating from high school in 3 months!

Tomorrow I have a lunch date with a wonderful friend. This friend happens to be married to H's cousin. We only met because of our H's, but formed a very close bond. Believe me, for the past two years she has been closer to me than she has my H.

Last night a friend called me and invited me to dinner, but I had already started dinner for the girls. Again this is someone I only know because of H. Her H and my H are friends and business associates. We did not meet until after our separation. All she knew about me was what H had told her and her H. For a long time she and her H did not know that he left me for another woman. He told them he was unhappy. Her H even point blank asked my H if there was someone else and he said no. Eventually he brought OW around them. Once the the friend met me and found out the whole truth she told my H to never bring OW to their house again. It's so nice that she stood up for my marriage. Her H has even told my H he needs to get off of his high horse and quit stringing me along. My H may have friends, but it doesn't mean they respect him.

You all are right about the OW. I should not pity her. She made her choices. She decided to ruin not only her family, but had no regard for mine. I truly however believe that H does not have feelings for her anymore. I believe it was a fling that suited his needs at the time. She filled H's emotional needs at the time, but now he only feels gulit towards her.

The thing is H doesn't want to fire her because she has "no one" to help her financially with her oldest DD who is in college. It's easy to see that he measures everthing financially, money comes first. He did not care about our daughters' or my emotional needs. He is the only family we have nearby. He always made sure that they had the money they needed to buy material things so that fulfilled his fatherly role. Don't get me wrong, I am thankful that he has provided financially for the girls, but the thing is, the girls needed their father far more than the latest designer purses or clothing.

I'm just venting...thanks for letting me.

[saffie]

Yoyo,

I know this seems a hard question, but do you think your H has feelings for you, or do you think he is just scared that you will go for him financially?

Do you think he has strong feelings for anyone apart from himself? Is there anyone he would put before himself? Was there ever a time when you felt he put others first?

I am just interested to know if he has changed.

Also, I should ask you the opposite - it is very easy to see the negatives in our wayward S's; what are the things that make you love him? what is it about him that keeps you going?

[Yoyowife]

Wow, Saffie these are some tough questions! Let me think about it. Not sure I can honestly answer them.

Yoyo,

I know this seems a hard question, but do you think your H has feelings for you, or do you think he is just scared that you will go for him financially?

Believe me, I've often wondered this myself. With him as you know he goes so hot and cold. One minute we are getting along wonderfully and connecting. The next minute he starts withdrawing. It seems everytime that I get really angry and let him know about it, he comes crawling back, but it doesn't seem to last too long. So is he afraid of losing me or his money? Wish I could answer that question.

Do you think he has strong feelings for anyone apart from himself? Is there anyone he would put before himself? Was there ever a time when you felt he put others first?

At this time I would pretty much say he is a narcissist. I have no doubt that he loves our daughters, but they have to conform to his ideas to be on his good side, eg. the pets. I do honestly remember when he used to be such a family man. He would tell everyone, "There are two things you don't mess with...my family and my money." Notice money has always been involved, but family used to be right up there, doesn't seem that way anymore.

I am just interested to know if he has changed.

Also, I should ask you the opposite - it is very easy to see the negatives in our wayward S's; what are the things that make you love him? what is it about him that keeps you going?

There are some positives in my H believe it or not. He is a very hard worker. He would not ask anything of someone that he was not willing to do himself work wise. Most people in his position do not work along side their employees, but he does quite a bit. He is very smart when it comes to his business life, but not so much his personal life.

I do still love him, but in reality I guess it's the old him that I love. I do see a glimpse occasionally of that man. At times he can be very charming and loving. It's like he has two sides and his family doesn't always get his best side.

[saffie]

I know they were hard questions Thanks for your answers.

So does your H judge success by monetary terms then?

I think the old don't mess with my family or my money is quite a typical male stance; it's a shame when they don't take their own advice.

[Sara]

I sent an email.

[Yoyowife]

Sara,
I will check my email when I get home. They have so many blocks at work, I can't access my personal account.