Probably should be in Piecing, but Going to Stay

[Still Waters]

When you really look at yourself in the mirror, and take ownership over your wrongdoings, when you see clearly what you have done and what it all means, when you realize how many people you have affected, when you see the hurt/pain you have caused and will continue to cause pain to, when you are reminded of it day after day, and when you know there is nothing you can do to change what you have done, it is very painful....especially if your identity was, in part, a person that is the "goody goody" with moral standards...takes you to a place of "Who am I?"

This really struck me. My W, who had an affair, is in this state right now. After 4 months of having an affair (and lying about it to everyone she knew) she is finally facing up to what she has done (after exposure), and she is truly devastated. Before this she was a goody goody, and has said that she threw away everything she stood for, for something that was meaningless. She has even said to me "I need time to heal and figure out who I am."

But of course she's doing all this apart from me (we're separated). She still doesn't want to work on the M because she says she feels too weak, too powerless, and too filled with self-hatred, guilt, and shame to do so.

Did you ever feel like that? Like you just wanted to run further away from your H to heal and rebuild yourself? I understand that my W may not be able to even look me in the eyes right now. She could barely do so before I exposed so I imagine it's even worse for her now that she knows that I know. I just hope that with time she will find the courage to confront these demons, and to allow me to confront them with her.

Don't mean to hijack your thread, but your post really struck a cord with me and my sitch.