Hi everyone, I thought I'd post a quick update on my sitch with H and me. We haven't talked much the past 3 weeks, since I told him I thought we needed to separate, just stuff about our son. This a.m. we had a bit of a conversation. We both agreed that being apart did not help us and spending time together hasn't helped us. But we STILL don't know where to go from here? Separate, and then divorce? Force ourselves to be together for a length of time and see what happens after a while? Try counseling? He doesn't think counseling is worth it if the feelings aren't there. He admits that he loves me, but feels like I'm his best friend and sort of his sister, that he doesn't have passion and romantic feelings towards me. I asked earlier in my thread what could be done to bring those feelings back and it is such an impossible question to answer. I also asked him today if there was anything I could do to make him not be so uncomfortable around me (He is uncomfortable with anything that is husband/wife-related, as friends, we are great). He said no, there isn't anything I can do or not do. So if he doesn't feel romantic/passionate the way a H should towards his W, then why isn't he leaving for good? He says sometimes he feels there's hope for us and other times he feels there isn't. I feel the same way, as you all know what that is like. And it is the glimmer of hope that is keeping us both hanging on I guess. But is this just part of the dying process? I cannot and will not be with him if he doesn't feel the right way towards me. We talked about putting a time limit on things before, and we both agreed that that added unnecessary pressure, but maybe that is what we should do? Set a limit of say 6 months, and re-evaluate feelings at that point? Separate for real and agree we both are going to go out dating? Maybe we both need to see what else is out there? Neither of us have really dated other people as adults. Maybe we are completely wrong for eachother and don't even know it?
H also admits to just being plain unhappy and says he doesn't know what will make him happy.
I would love to hear thoughts of those who have relatively decent relationships with their spouse but who have lost the passion/romance and what in the world should you do if neither party is ready to quite give up? I know it is such a hard thing to do, ending it. Even when the marriage clearly should end, it is quite difficult and painful. When you still have a decent relationship, how in the world can you get yourselves to the place where you really need to just say "enough?"
