I don't know about "backslide". Learning to communicate about sensitive subjects isn't easy, and to be expected that there will be a lot of fumbling around in the learning process.
I think Wolfie also has the fear that the A will always be there "like a dark cloud hanging over us".
I told him that I know he'd like it to be forever swept under the rug, but that it's a healing PROCESS. He can either help me work through the process or leave me to stew with my dark thoughts and questions alone--which ends up in blow-ups, miscommunications, and other forms of malignancy.
Some of our best, most constructive conversations have been sparked by something related to the A. As painful as it is for him, at least he has a way to do something--take some constructive action, rather than sit and stew in his own guilt and recriminations.
On my part, I've been only bringing the subject up rarely, and only if I'm really struggling with something.
I hope your H can see the wisdom of reframing the subject as a process, and that he has a great deal to do with how long the process will take!
