Shine like the star you are!

[sage]

Crud. Just lost my insightful post(they're all insightful when they're lost in cyberspace!). Hate it when that happens.

anyway ... thanks for the support guys. Turns out that Friday's events were a positive turning point (and Pam, thank you for pointing out the positive! That h had asked how he might have done something differently!)

h was still upset Sat am. I was dreading a weekend of us sulking and moping. we had been looking forward to spending this time together! he went off to the gym. while he was gone I took a page from Shiny's book and wrote h an email -- apologized for my comment, asked if we could put things aside for the weekend, and ask him to eventually share with me why he had reacted so strongly.

h came home from the gym and went off to watch tv (he hadn't read his email). I sat in the same room and read. After a little while, h reached out and touched the back of my head...breaking the ice (thank you SO MUCH h for being able to reach out!).

we talked. I apologized for what I had said. I asked him why he had responded the way he did. He said that he was so sad that "no matter how good things get, I have laid a minefield (the affair) that will continue to trip us up." I told him that I had forgiven him...that sometimes, though, I still felt sad or scared. I told him that I had just been trying to tell him how I was FEELING that I wasn't asserting a FACT (that he had been in touch with ow). It's weird but true -- for the FIRST TIME since the bomb I was able to really distinguish a FEELING from a FACT.

He said that "this is the way I feel" is a cop out and allows the speaker to say whatever they want without regard for the other person. I jumped into the pool of self-righteousness and said that I would go back to NOT telling him how I felt. That I would continue to manage my emotions all by my lonesome...and that I wanted SOME credit for having done that all along...noting that I had asked very little from him...had not really dragged him thru anything in the process. (I didn't say this angrily...but with a lot of sadness).

I also said that as long as we were being honest...I was still living every day wondering if he even wanted to be married to me...that last time I had asked he had said he wasn't sure (that was in March) and that I didn't want to talk about it now because I couldn't bear to hear the answer...

we talked about forgiveness. About how to ensure that this won't happen again (not entirely satisfying...).

All in all, a good conversation. I didn't sense that it was a major backslide for us.

I got up to go take a shower. H asked me for a hug. He gave me a wonderful hug then said "I love you so much. I want to be married to you forever." TA DA!!!! Another hurdle gracefully jumped. How cool is that????

The rest of the weekend was great...a couple of baseball games, a couple of movies, a few dinners, a bit of

I am a lucky woman.

Sage