Maybe I should be in piecing part 6?

[Hope4us]

Funny you should mention triggers Mel.

I had a HUGE one last night. And of course, got nothing from W when it comes to understanding.

We'd gone out to dinner and she was telling me about her year end review and how her boss had made a comment about her socializing a little too much and it hit me hard. A couple years ago, the boss she had at the time told her she was spending a little too much time with the "contractors" (OM was a contractor for our company) and it just hit me hard, REALLY HARD.

I tried to keep it together, but a little later I was in the middle of a sentence and W interrupted me and I looked at her and it just came out, "can I finish"? We were almost done with dinner anyway and we went home.

When we got there I sat down with her and apologized for getting a little short, but that I'd had a bad trigger and I was dealing with that. She asked what the trigger was and I explained it to her. So far so good. But then when I'd finished explaining it to her it was like I'd done something wrong. She started arguing with me about what her previous boss had said about the contractors, etc. I just looked at her and said (in a calm voice), it doesn't really matter what she said to you, it still just hit me hard. Then I got a half-a**ed apology, "I'm sorry I interrupted you", and I said to her "that's not the point. If it would have been any other time, it wouldn't have bothered me, but because of the trigger, it just hit me really hard". So then I got another half-a**ed apology, "I'm sorry for your trigger".

She tried to talk to me some the rest of the night and I was polite with her, but I just couldn't deal with it. So I went to bed fairly early. I thought for sure she'd sleep on the couch, but she came to bed later.

This morning I had finished getting ready and she was walking towards me and I tried to give her a hug and it was like she didn't want me to touch her. She did give me a half-a**ed hug and then walked into the bathroom.

So, WooHoo....once again, I'm left feeling like I'm the one that had the affair and I'm doing something wrong when I have a trigger from her betrayal.

I need to really calm down, cause right now I'm really upset with her and ready to tell her I'm done. Amazing how one little episode can really throw you from one extreme to the other.

I'll comment more on your post Mel when I get some more time.