It sounds as though you've gotten to another crossroads in the grand scheme of life? I can feel the pain and indecision in your words and know that you're obviously very torn at the moment.
I think without a doubt, you know in your heart that moving to be with your family is the best thing for you (right now). Nobody should have to go through what you are right now. You've already proved beyond a shadow of a doubt to everyone who knows you and even to those following your sitch on here that you've been the most amazingly patient, caring woman. You've always put your children first, and dare I say it, you still treat your husbands feelings with both empathy and sympathy. You have a huge capacity for caring and that shines through in your character. There are times in life though where you have to think about yourself. Well, yourself and your children. It's like Sandi said, how long will it actually take before he wakes up from his current state of mind when you take his pride in to account?
You mention it would take 6-9 months for you to be able to pack up and move to your family. Once the wheels are set in motion, can they not then be stopped? Only you can put a timeframe on this.
If your H snapped out of it when you were living with your family and once again became the man you love, would that man not then do everything in his power to regain his kids? Obviously I don't know your H and can only go by what you tell me but it seems to me that he must have once been a very good man to you and your wee ones. I would like to consider myself a good man and know that if my W moved away with my son, I'd do everything in my power to be there with him regardless of whether I was with my W. Your H might not be that man right now but after the fog has cleared, I would be surprised if it was as over as you seem to think it will be if you're living with your family.
Like Sandi, I'm sorry if I've said anything to upset you. That isn't my intention. I want the best for you. You've been so strong for me since I started posting and I want to be able to help you in whatever way I can. My advice and opinion might be way off mark but it does come from the heart. Be strong.
Kev
Me: 32, Wife: 22 Son: 2 Married: 2 years Separated: January 5th 2009
Sometimes you have to become lost before you can find yourself.
