My first step out of Newcomers

[Can it work]

I had a nice, lazy night last night. I was going to go to the gym but was feeling quite tired after the last few days so made an executive decision to give it a miss for one night. So, I just sat and watched some tv. There were times I felt quite guilty about it but they soon passed.

I sort of came to a realisation last night. I think I've been wearing blinkers over the last few months where my feelings for my W are concerned. In the end, it really wasn't a good marriage. If she came back to me today but was still acting as she was before she left, I don't think I'd take her back in. Some of the things she was doing were unacceptable as far as I'm concerned. This realisation has made it a bit more easy for me to detatch some more. Strangely though, as soon as this happened, not only did it feel like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders; it also for the first time really made me believe that there was a chance I was going to get her back. I don't know how the two are connected but that just seems to be the way my mind is working. It will take a lot of work and comprimise on both sides but it is possible. If I'm honest with myself, no matter how much I tried to DB, I never truly believed that it would work. Now that I can see how wrong my M was in the end, I believe it can work. Does that make sense or have I finally lost my mind?

I finalised the application for my second mortgage yesterday in order to get the money to buy my W out of the house. In a way, I'm looking forward to the challenge of being self-sufficient again and providing as good a life as possible for my Wee Man. It's going to be a challenge to begin with but over time I think I'm going to rise to meet that challenge. When my W decides she wants me back, I'll review my life then and see if I still believe things can work out. Now it's about me and Wee Man. We're going to have an amazing life together. If my W wants to join us, she's going to have to work to convince me that it's for the right reasons. I still love her with all my heart but there's no way on earth that I'm going to go through this again. I will need to believe in my heart that it will last forever this time.