PM Thread #4

[PositivelyMommy]

......would he come for you after all of the mess is over?


No, I think if I left, that would be it. He would probably think there is no return for sure.


What would his reaction be if he saw you suddenly pack you and his children up and move away?

Unfortunately, I can't just pack and move, it's a long story but trust me, I need at least six to nine months to do it. So if I were to move by the end of the year then I pretty much need to get the ball rolling now.


You said you needed encouragement and I sound as if I am encouraging you to get a D and that is not it at all.

No, I appreciate you asking questions, those are thoughtful and show concern, not judgment. I don't mind.


I just hope you don't waste a lot of years waiting around on him when time is so valuable.

I think at the end of the day, my H does have a soft heart. He has had a turbulent R with his dad but in the end he always want to have a good R with him. So I think he wants to have a civil/good R with me but right now not in the 'I am in love with PM' phase so pretending he is is just not being true to himself. So he would rather go with his 'feelings' and explore and expand his R with OW. I think that's what he thinks. And yes, if I do move, that would light a fire under him but I would do that only if 'I' want to do it for me and the kids, not to manipulate H. I am finding that I am moving more towards this option. I think I would be much more happier living near my family. Just don't really know about timeframe as I don't want to move away if it means he never comes home. But as Karen says, I don't want to put my life on hold either.


I can't remember right now if you said if OW is M or not.
OW is going thru a D. Her H cheated on her many times. No kids. I guess he gave her the STD and then my H gave it to me. I know, I am really bitter about that. But it's gone now forever, hopefully. So her H couldn't care less about her love life.


Does your H worry about being exposed to friends, family and co-workers?
My H does worry about being exposed to his coworkers since they work together. I don't know how much the office knows but I reckon it's not hard to keep under the lid as these things go.

Does his family live there?
His family lives very far away. That's one of the problems, I think. Both our families live far away so there is no 'society' to monitor his behavior. His peers are his coworkers, no friends. All his coworkers have dysfunctional marriages as well, many of them fool around as well. So I guess he gradually felt that it is acceptable and not out of the ordinary though he is still ashamed. His M won't take sides and she won't stand up for our M. It's a shame but he is her only child and she doesn't want to lose him so she won't say anything to guide him.