A Cry for Help & Don't know where to go

[SRTTF]

Today I called in to work sick. I just needed a day. I didn't get off the couch all day.

I lay in bed at night with his sweatshirt that he was wearing the day he left.(i know i shouldn't but it makes me feel close to him) I have so many self help books and devotionals in my night stand my D thinks I'm nuts LOL not really nuts. I have tried to write every night as thou I am talking to him. It helps in the sense that I can get my feelings out but the paper doesn't talk back.

I FINALLY called my old pastor tonight. He actually had heard what happened but didn't want to get involved until asked. The weird thing is that he lives 2 hrs away. Small world I guess. He ran into the union rep with the RR and he mentioned my H name and they talked for a little. Then at x-mas I guess my pastors kids go to school that my friends daughter does and they talked about it a bit. Then he went hunting with a friend of his that works the RR in SD. Well that guy knows H too and they talked about it. So, when I talked to him tonight at least I didn't have to relive EVERYTHING. He has said he is going to contact H and try to help him in both a Pastorial way and a friend. Said that he is doing it b/c he feels H is in a very bad spot both emotional and health. He is concerned as much as I am. He did say that it sounds like H has been running away whenever he starts to get close to someone but believes that H and I shared something very special and H got scared and ran. Doesn't feel like he deserves it and stuff like that. The big differance this time is that I WILL NOT ABANDON MY H. Everyone in his life has always given up on him and I will not do that.

Pastor made me feel at ease finally. I am putting my faith in God and hope that he can get throu to H. The offer from the RR is there when he wants it, but it is getting to that point.

Well I have to work early tomorrow to make up for today so thank you again to everyone for not leaving me!!!!!