H has officially filed. Please help me!!!!!

[MomInPain]

Forrest,

I love you. You truly make me think.

My posts do come off very emotional, and it is a direct reflection of the type of person I am.

Very opposite of my H. lol We are opposites in almost every way.

You are very right, I wouldn't know what to do if he came back today. I'd be sending sos's over and over to my family here. I wouldn't have a clue where to start and would fear doing something wrong at every turn. And if I'm really being honest with myself, I wouldn't want him that way.

Of course the LBS wants the WS to come and beg for forgiveness, and spend each day for the rest of their lives showing them how sorry they are for what they did. Now back to reality.

It is quite possible that while I'm doing my thing and working on my issues, I will end up not wanting anything to do with his sorry butt. Maybe that is what I fear?

I think deep down, I know what I need to do.

I just have to do it and not fear it. Easier said than done.

Probably going to be the biggest test these next 2 weeks. Seeing if I can really let go and move us out. This could be the nail in the coffin of our marriage. But it is the only way I can feel like I am taking care of us and doing what's best for us in the situation the H has put us in. H will be financially ruined with this move. Unfortunately he knows and I have told him he must live with the consequences of his actions.

PMA, GAL, Move forward with love, that's all I can do.

[MomInPain]

So you know that I told him I am moving out with the kids at the end of this month. He seemed very concerned about not being able to pay everything if he has to pay the mortgage. So I send him this email.
side note: I never initiate contact. This is a first.

Here is what I sent:

My consultation isn't until next Tues.

Would you rather I wait to move until after March?

Here are 2 ideas to help with what your concerned about.

Lower the child support by increasing your custody 50/50 or each weekend.

Keep me on your health care and subtract the amount from what you figured.

Thoughts?


Here is his reply:

Well I don't think we can really talk about this stuff until you have your consultation.

Moving out-You can move out whenever you want to.

Custody-There are options we can discuss.

Medical-Once the divorce is final I don't think that having you on the policy is an option.

He has done all D papers himself, he has no interest in hiring an attorney and is insistent on working together and come to an agreeable arrangement.

His reply is suspicious to me. He is a cheap ass so I don't see him hiring an attorney anytime soon to fight me for custody or anything like that. I don't like that he won't communicate by email though cause I don't do well with him face to face and he knows that. I break down and if I don't cry I get tongue tied.

[MomInPain]

Come on now guys, no one's got an opinion?

[Forrest Gump]

"He has done all D papers himself, he has no interest in hiring an attorney and is insistent on working together and come to an agreeable arrangement."

Hmmm.. Could he be reaching out here some?

"His reply is suspicious to me. He is a cheap ass so I don't see him hiring an attorney anytime soon to fight me for custody or anything like that. I don't like that he won't communicate by email though cause I don't do well with him face to face and he knows that. I break down and if I don't cry I get tongue tied."

Read that again.

What are you saying?

[MomInPain]

Forrest,
I really don't see it as him reaching out unless I am misunderstanding you.

What I see is that any niceness he shows towards me is him trying to get his way with the D. An attempt to woo me into not fighting and hiring an attorney.

When you ask "Read that again. What are you saying?" Are you asking me to clarify what I am saying or that I need to see the answer in my statement? Cause I don't see it. Sorry.

[MomInPain]

In other news:

I have been attending the "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore Study.

Today was so hard to listen to, it really hit home. I was in tears the entire night.

Week number 5 "Binding the Broken Heart"

I can't imagine where I would be right now if I didn't have God in my life. We stopped attending church a couple years ago, and my H was only recently saved in the last 5 years.
After he left my first step in GAL and 180 was going back to church. Best decision I made in these last 3 months.
I firmly believe that my H is trying to find something to fill the emptiness he feels in his life. Something only God can fill.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I know the emptiness that I was feeling, and that he has left by leaving our marriage.

[MomInPain]

He called again today. First the home phone, which I didn't answer. Then my cell. I answered.

He was very nice and chipper. Asked me how I was doing.
Then said he wanted to spend time with the kids tonight.
I agreed and told him he could pick them up at the Y. As I had a C appt tonight. My first IC by the way.

Then he continued on and asked that even though we are making some changes that he would like to keep our court date.

In other words he would like to NOT delay our divorce. 85 days to go.

I just agreed and told him that I would let him know by the end of the week, when we would be moving out. And told him I would be removing my $ from the bank account to pay for my rent and other stuff. Just kept it all business.

Then I let him go. No tears. I'm just done.

[MomInPain]

Just got back from IC. H got here 10 minutes later with the kids.
He want's to discuss me not signing a lease until after I talk
with my A next Tues.
He says he doesn't want me to get stuck in a lease. That's it.

I was perfect. A glass of red wine didn't hurt either.

I totally acted as if. As if we were already divorced. As if I was already in love with someone else. As if I just got back from the best night of my life without him.

Trust me, he didn't care one iota. Oh well, I had fun.

I've gotta go shop for some cheap furniture.

[MomInPain]

Oh my IC was great. It was at my church. We mostly concentrated on how to move forward with love. I've already done so much work here with myself that I just needed a live person to sound off on.

So moving forward means moving out and letting him live here with the memories and the neighbors who will no doubt give reminders of what he lost.

Mostly we talked about doing a lot of praying that he will find the Lord again and maybe that will fill some of the void he is feeling. Who knows. God does!

[MomInPain]

just wanted to add one more thing.
He really does blame me for the financial issues we are having right now.
If our refinance doesn't go though, it will be all my fault.
That's what I got from tonight's conversation and I did the validating thing.
But it was really ugly to see it on his face.