Quote:
but I just did not know how to deal with it at that point of time and I don't think I was blind.


I wasn't trying to see how offensive I could be toward you, but you did "sound" blind and I was trying to get you to open your eyes and see what appears to be very obvious. I have been there and I know about these EA's. Besides, you can't trust him just b/c you confronted him and he led you to believe it was all one-sided. Don't you think it feeds his ego to know she is struck on him? Besides, if he claims to be your "friend".....what did you expect him to tell you? Of course he will deny anything on "his" part.

You say you don't know what to do and that she hates you and that you have no concrete evidence that she has an emotional affair with OM. You asked if you should confront them again. I say that you should not confront them if you have no solid evidence. By answering what should you do.......are you forgetting those 39 points of things to do and not do that I sent to you? I thought that was a pretty good starting place. I got the feeling that you just discarded that list and paid it no attention or thought it did not apply to you or whatever, but you apparently did not take it seriously. If you believe in DBing then you have to believe in that list b/c it is just a short guide list of what DBing is all about.

Yes, you need to work on yourself. If you will do what is on that list, you stand your best chance of becoming the man she fell in love with and you will become attractive to her again. If you choose to ignore the list and choose "your way" (whatever that is) of working this out.....you will lose. Why? B/c you will either pursue or pressure her. You have to keep your list handy to keep focused b/c otherwise you will feel "needy" and clingy, you will over-kill, get too affectionate and run her off.

The main reason I came on as strongly as I did was that it bothered me that you did not seem that upset about the whole idea of her having an EA with your "friend". Your friend said, "no"...so that was good enough for you. That is not the world we live in today, unfortunately. Friends and spouses lie. Your wife is addicted to the feel good chemicals that is flooding her brain from the excitement with OM in the EA. I did not know about any of this until it happen to me. After I heard about it, I started reading about what could happen to a women if it continues and it scared me to death. That was the beginning of the end of my EA. So, it is a serious thing and you need to take it seriously. If it means me making you mad, then it will be worth getting you to deal with it. Regardless of how I may appear to come across on this post, I truly am here to help b/c I want to help bust every possible future divorce. I want to help you in any way that I can. I will try to encourage, suggest, advise, pray, or make you mad....... \:\( whatever it takes to help. But, you have got to continue to come here and work with us by posting and cooperating......okay? Is it a deal?

Sandi

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!