Just keep swimming...PH #4

[kassie]

P -

new thread is WAH2.

Come visit. I'm not feeling so great.

[JDOllie]

Next Thursday, Pearl! I'm pumped - it's gonna be like testosterone city. It is two other single dads like me, and one married guy, but he's super cool, and his wife could probably beat us all three up, and she only weighs about 90 pounds.

W is non-confrontational too, her answer was to clam up, refuse marriage counseling, etc. She even said at one point, "I don't want someone to change my mind." So, I know how you feel!

[Puppy Dog Tails]

Pearl,

It's not the looks (as you're right -- I can't see you anyway, and have no earthly clue what you look like). It's the attitude -- it's attractive.

You got your mojo back, baby!

Puppy

[Silver Fox]

Puppy - if you see this could you check out what's going on with my sitch? Thanks

[pearlharbr]

Calling all friends:

Well, it's a good thing I didn't bet Silver Fox anything...here's the email I just got from xBF:

I’m not sure where to start, but to say I miss you and still care for you.

I’ve done a lot of things and said a lot of things that have hurt you and am very sorry. Some of the things I’ve said are true while I think other stuff was said as a way to try to explain things I didn’t really have an answer for.

I’m in a better mental state now and would like to explore if there is any hope for us. I was only able to focus on what I perceived as issues without being able to focus on all the good things we had going – I am over that now.

But I also understand if you are done and want nothing to do with me.

Let me know if you would be willing to chat.

Are you f***ing kidding me???

I'm definitely now heading out to the bar. Need to let this sit for a while.

Please, please, please let me know what you think.

[Tawnya]

{{{{Pearl}}}} Whoa..wow..I guess the bigger question is what do YOU think?!

Tawnya

[Silver Fox]

Told you so, told you so, told you so. Go have a drink. Wait 24, no make that 48 hours before you do anything.

[JDOllie]

Pearl,
WOW! Going to a bar, and not saying a word is probably a great idea.

Not to rain on the parade - but a couple of thoughts:

1. You just said in a recent post that you wouldn't take xBF back. Did you mean that? Or was it just steeling your spine?

2. I wouldn't respond until Sunday. Maybe confirm receipt, I dunno, but I would absolutely sleep on it for a couple of days. I would also let xBF sleep on it - make sure he's not just waxing nostalgic, and giving you false hopes.

Remember the rule - don't believe what they say! That works both ways...

My goal here is not to dampen your spirits if you're excited, but rather not wanting to see you be hurt.

[kassie]

I'd take the 24 hour method and do whatever you want til then. This is to be expected. What were your goals? How would you revise them if you wanted to? TAke it slow before responding - tell him you have to think and will get back to him.

You were here for a reason, did you accomplish what you wanted? Do you think you were finished with him? Could be finished with what was and will consider what can be.

[pearlharbr]

Thanks everyone. I think I'm over the shock now.

Tawnya, SF, and Kassie - I will definitely take time before responding. No worries about a hasty reply from me!

JD - I'm not excited. That's really not the word I would use. My initial reaction was anger. Lots of anger. How dare he think he can come back into my life after what he's put me through. Doesn't sound like someone who wants him back, does it? Right now I'm 99.9% sure I want him to take a hike and get on with my life. My only hesitation is that I did come here for a reason. Three months ago all I wanted was for us to try and see if we could address the issues and build a better, stronger R. Am I now a typical WAS if I'm the one not willing to at least make an effort?

My goal in coming here was to say that I tried everything I could to save the R so either we could work through it or I could walk away with my head held high. I've learned a lot about myself and a lot about our R. The one thing that has struck the most is how often I read how much people miss their best friend. The thing is, we were never best friends. When I realized that it made me really, deeply sad. I deserve that. I don't think I can have that with him.

Tawnya, this must be a night for tears!