Standing on the Edge

[native]

W called to stop by after evening class at local college, to see daughter and to pick up some dresses she had left in daughter's closet.

I had already taken them to her place, so she spent a few minutes kissing and being sweet to our D. I'm glad she is developing a relationship with our D after all this time.

We talked a bit. I told her I was getting a babysitter for Sat. night because I was going out. It isnt a date, just a couple of fundraising events for a neigborhood boy who has been diagnosed with muscular dystrophy.

She told me she was going to a new friend's house(Claire)for 'Casino Night' a la James Bond. I don't know how old Claire is, but she met her from class. I am guessing Claire is less than thirty, never married, as will be all the guests at the party. These are the type of people my 32 yo. wife seems to prefer hanging with. Loser.......

The whole time she was in my house I felt uncomfortable. I avoided making eye contact. I am so distrustful of her. I don't ever want to be on the receiving end of one of her rants again. I avoid engaging her, without being rude. I avoid small talk, but converse with her when she talks to me.

I just couldn't wait for her to leave. She makes me sick.

Before she left, my sweet D kept asking her when she was going to come back. She then demanded that W come back. W kept repeating no, she was not coming back.

So of course after W leaves I have to talk with my D and just say how Mommy has to decide when and if she comes back. Until then we will continue to love her and pray for her.

I guess the thing that has changed most since the last blowout on Valentines is that I am sure I don't want her back.....unless there is a complete and permanent change. Do I expect that miracle ? Not really.