\My wife is going to leave me in 5 days--help!

[spellfire]

Once you have boundaries in place, what is and what isn't acceptable to you, you can enforce them in a "warm" manner, don't be too harsh or businesslike about it, but still insist on that boundary regardless.

Not sure what the cell phone thing is about. She is more than capable of having her own cellphone and having the bill delivered to her. Maybe she wants to keep you open as an option and wants to keep an eye on who you are talking to in case she sees signs you are moving on? I am tempted to say let her pay for it if she wants. Any reason he shouldn't let her invest her money in him PDT?

[Puppy Dog Tails]

I don't have a problem with it, so long as the BILL doesn't go to her. And if she's the payer on it, she'll be able to get the bill going to her.

[AFWAW]

All right, I hear you about the cell phone thing. Maybe its because my daughter is going to live w/ me and she wants to keep in touch? She is being awfully generous about everything. The washer and dryer, she's going to pay for a cruise this Sep for me and my daughter, going to pay off my laptop, take the visa card, bill and even offered to buy me a magaritaville blender the other day(I said no thank you on that one) It doesn't make any sense and the harder I try, the more confusing it gets. She is saddling me w/ this house which she picked out so if she wants to pay for cell phones for us, I don't necessarily have a problem w/ it. And no, I will not be calling other women w/ it. I am a married man and will act like it until I am divorced--then all bets are off about who I see. Bottom line, I love my wife and want her to come home so we can work together on getting this cleared up and getting on with our lives. I will continue to pray for confusion in her heart and mind about what she is doing and hope that she comes to her senses.

Thanks very much for the inputs!

[EnoughAlready]

John,

I've been following your story since my H and I are both retired AF and can identify, I guess. I do, however, wish that you weren't in the situation you are in. I've read your thread from the very beginning and have yet to find any indication that your W is having an affair...I'm sure the guys (Puppy for one?) would disagree, but isn't it possible that your W is just enjoying not answering to anyone right now?

Depending on the phone company, you both may be able to access the bill on line. You could register your phone number and have your own password and the wife could do the same. Of course the paper bill will only to go the main person on the account (her), but you don't really care about that, anyway.

I hope your situation gets better. My only suggestion is to try and look back at the things you've done that maybe pushed your W away and change them. It's not too late...

[AFWAW]

NeedHelpToo,
Thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. I hope that she is not in an affair of course but I am prepared for the fact that she may be. The truth will come out eventually. It is certainly possible that my wife is enjoying not answering to anyone right now.
And your right, I don't care if she sees who I call as I have nothing to hide.
I have certainly looked back on things I've done and said and have taken efforts not to repeat them. My biggest fear is that she will not see them or soften her heart enough to care. It will be especially hard since we are not around each other on a daily basis so I guess I have to make every interaction count.

[AFWAW]

ARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!! She just called and said something else about the $200. She said she doesn't think its right that she has to pay me but she is going to anyway. She said she is going to think about it everytime she sees me now and I guess use it as a way to keep her angry??? I said if you feel that strongly about it then don't pay it. She said no, no, I will but I'm not going to pay anything in the future I don't feel I have too. I said I'm sure you have plenty of reasons that you don't like me, you don't have to make up more--don't worry about it. Then she started getting rude. I told her that it wasn't necessary to be ugly and she said fine I'll be there in about an hour. OMG, this is going to get worse before it gets better, isn't it? Sooooooooooo frustrating when you don't know why and you don't know how to fix it. Gonna go over some points in DB and Hold onto your N.U.T.S. before she gets here---trying to simmer down... Wish me luck.

[AFWAW]

$#%###$%%$, I figured out what I did. I argued--a no, no. I should have just listened. This is hard to change. I will make an effort just to listen tonight. She sucked me right in and controlled me---man, am I a sucker or what?

[Mellenmack]

You take that $200 and let her sit and stew over it!! It wasn't right and you know it!!!!! WTH makes her entitled to your paycheck when she earns her own!!! And something else over this cell phone. You need to pay for your own, because otherwise she is going to hold it over your head that she is paying for YOUR phone. Guaranteed. I promise. I wouldn't fight with her at all. I would agree with everything she says. She is being irrational, and like they said on that other thread...the only thing more irrational than being irrational is trying to continue to understand irrational. Did you read that one?

Good luck. Let us know. We will be here to commiserate. ARRGG. I am mad for you. WTH??? I would love to hear her reasoning behind why she doesn't think it's right that she has to pay you. I would almost pay you the $200 just to hear the reason.

Melissa