Divorce looming #4

[MrBond]

Good for you Kevin! You see what happens when you assert yourself a little? Now she's on the defensive.

I was getting worried about you not getting to your point of empowerment.

If it was me, I'd tell the guy's W. He's bound to cheat on her again and in the end it won't be fair for the kids either way. Let him face his family like a mad. You did the crime, now do the time.

Right now she's throwing empty threats at you like a spoiled child. It's like when you punish them for something and put them on a time out, they throw their tantrum, get loud, and in a last act of defiance, throw things on the ground. That's what what your W is doing, especially by claiming that your bedroom is hers. Whatever.

When she gets like that, shrug it off, maybe chuckle a little and let her get off her steam. Once she's calmed down, she'll realize that in the end she'll have nothing. Not you and the OM. Then maybe she'll start rationalizing things.

Again...great job!

[SRTTF]

Kevin,

A few things I really want to say

1. You need to tell the OM's W. You didn't like not knowing and if the OM doesn't have enough balls to tell the truth than someone has to. He is already hurting his kids by not respecting thier mom. Ask God and I'm sure in your heart you know what you need to do.

2. I wouldn't get too cocky when you talk/argue with your W. It almost seems like you enjoy having this leverage. I know it's nice to have the info but just be careful how you use it.

Do you have somewhere to go? I thought you 2 went over the custody aggrement awhile ago. Why hasn't that been signed yet? That is the 1st thing you need to get done before you do anything. If you continue to piss her off she could really get you through the kids. I know it's not right but she will use whatever she can.

[K4D]

Stuck,

I agree. That is exactly what is happening. She has empty threats. I contacted an attorney after she threatened to press charges for me looking at the emails and she has no case in that incidence. Now she does have a case against me emailing myself her emails. But as far as she knows, they are deleted. So again, no case. Nothing to fear.

Stacy,

You are right in some aspect. I am finally enjoying holding the trump ace card adultery. For months I have taken her crap. And now I no longer am. I finally have some leverage. I'm not trying to abuse it. But I'm not getting pushed around anymore and made to feel the way she has tried to make me feel for months.

To tell the OM's W. Again, if I do, this frees up my W to have him. That is not my goal. I'd rather keep them in fear. Right now, he is avoiding her to try and not get in trouble. She is offering me all kinds of stuff to put in writing I won't say anything. You wouldn't believe what she is offering me. Its unreal. She is trying to play the psychological game of closing the door on us forever if I say something and also offering me sexual favors if I will just put in writing that I won't say anything. Truly amazing.

I will admit that the psychological game of us never being together again is having some effect on me. But at the same time, I have had this played on me before by her and have no real reason to believe that she means she will keep the door open if I agree to her terms. Its hard when that gets thrown my way as she knows more than anything I want another chance with her. I told her I am naturally weary of her comments based on past actions. At the same time, I wonder. She knew exactly where to hit me with that one. And I'm ashamed of myself for really thinking about it.

None the less, I appear to be in control for the first time in many months. And its not control I was looking for. But I have to have some leverage and start standing up for myself and what is right.

The child custody agreement was talked about before, but gets signed tomorrow first thing in the morning. Then the waiver of service. After that she is clear to follow through on the D. If she does, I consider this over in the short run. I'm going to move on. She was unfaithful multiple times.

I hope to get another chance with her down the road and I will continue to pray for one. But if someone comes along that is just spectacular, I can't say I will turn them down. I don't know what the future holds. But I'm done with this crap for now. I'm moving on. She can have her fantasies and image and everything that is so important to her. At some point she will fall into a hole. And she will turn to me. I don't know when, but she will.

I will just have to be patient until then.

Kevin

[song]

Kevin, I'm sorry you are having to deal with such cruelty, manipulation and betrayal. You seem to be holding it together well in spite of it, and that is an inspiration to me.

[K4D]

Thanks Song,

2 reasons really. One, I got married for life and don't believe in divorce. And two, I really do truly love her.

That being said, this has been truly torturous. I'm not sure how I am still holding it all together. I'm truly stunned myself.

Inside its ripping me apart. But there is nothing I can do about it. I just have to let the whole thing play out and keep praying to God that things will somehow someway get better.

Kevin

[JDOllie]

To tell the OM's W. Again, if I do, this frees up my W to have him. That is not my goal. I'd rather keep them in fear. Right now, he is avoiding her to try and not get in trouble. She is offering me all kinds of stuff to put in writing I won't say anything. You wouldn't believe what she is offering me. Its unreal. She is trying to play the psychological game of closing the door on us forever if I say something and also offering me sexual favors if I will just put in writing that I won't say anything. Truly amazing.

To me, this is a spectacularly unhealthy way to function. If you are intent on holding the upper hand in divorce proceedings, go for it, because it rocks.

However, if you think you can use it to regain your relationship, then go right now, pick up the phone, and call the OM's W. Right now.

[K4D]

Hi JD,

If I call OM's W, my W will not come back to me. I'm not going to let this linger to long. I just haven't made a decision yet. I really want to think this through. I don't want to act to quickly and make the wrong decision.

I did not get that job I interviewed for today. So it looks like Florida is back on. Either Saturday or Monday. We will be separated while this D goes through. I'm pretty upset about it, but there is not much I can do.

W is so into image. In one her her blogs to OM she was telling him that they are so hot together. A hot couple. She loves that.

In one of her blogs to herself that I read. She wrote that she really is very sick and twisted.

Something is not right in her mind right now. Its rather scary.

I asked her today if I agreed not to tell OM's W would she agree to pull the D and hold off and attempt to work on things. She accused me of black mail. I said no, I'm not black mailing. I was just wondering if there was a way to come up with an agreement. I guess that wasn't very smart.

Kevin

[Mellenmack]

It wasn't smart because it makes you come across as controlling and manipulative, bub.

I would tell the OM's W if I were you, but that is just me.

Sorry about the job.

Honestly, I don't think she is going to change her mind at all. At this point, I am convinced that it doesn't matter what you do or don't do, she is getting a divorce. She will regret it someday, yes, I think so, but it's not gonna be anytime soon like you are wanting.

Melissa

[K4D]

(((Mel)))

I think I have come to the same conclusion. It doesn't matter what I do or don't do. I don't know if she will ever regret it someday. She is not the type regret things. We'll have to see on that one.

I was just not able to keep it together through this process. And that is my fault. I didn't handle any of it well. I'm not completely sure it would have made a difference had I handled it well anyways. She is so infatuated with OM. I've never seen anything like it.

So what do I do now? I guess I go dark in Florida for 3 months and pray like crazy. Even if she does divorce me. Its never over til its over. She could always change her mind someday. We share 2 kids. There will be opportunities to redeem myself in the future.

I will definitely miss her. Not the person she has become, but the old person she was. I know this much. It will be a very long time before I can trust again. This can really scar a person.

Kevin

[spellfire]

I think it is an assumption on your part that outing him to his W will send him into the arms of your W. It may do just the opposite and make him backpedal to try to save his M from blowing apart.

I don't think you have much to lose at this point, unless you consider the move dangerous in some way. Evidence might also be good, since the W could side with her H and choose to not believe you.

I can't imagine what it must be like tho, so this is just IMHO & FWIW.

SF