Shine like the star you are!

[sage]

I don't have a hard answer for sage, but perhaps she should try sending her hubby an e-mail expressing her own feelings of how things have been going. Afterall, it was one of your e-mails that started the domino effect of our recent e-mail exchanges.

Love ya
CJ

Hey Shiny,

thanks for asking CJ.

So...my initial response to you was going to be that I liked his idea but would probably wait a while to email h. since I'm feeling scared/nervous/a bit low as a result of my trip down "crappy" lane -- I think an email would be too full of me seeking reassurance.

But...something strange just happened with h and I ended up sending an email anyway.

Last night as I was going to bed, h said something to me like "dream about my love for you. It'll be the longest dream you'll ever have".

So...this morning when he called me at work I told him that I had slept really well because of what he had told me to dream about. Then (and this just flew out of my mouth) I said "thank you for loving me". I didn't say it all desperate and clingy! I said it kind of like I say "thank you for going food shopping" (ok, with a bit more love!). But, maybe you know what I mean...it wasn't a desperate attempt, it was me just expressing thanks.

anyway, h said "don't thank me for loving you. that sounds weird". He didn't say it jerky or anything...just kind of matter of fact. So I said "that sounds weird to you?" and he said "I was just kidding".

We moved on.

I got off the phone and felt kind of stupid. The conversation was fine...and there really wasn't any intent in my saying that...but well, now we ALL feel weird!

So, I sent h a very brief email:

Bud --

I'm sorry if my thanking you for loving me comment felt strange to you. Heck, now it feels sort of strange to me, too! It just came out of my mouth....I meant no pressure by it...just expressing my gratitude for all you do.

A year ago now our marriage was in a pretty troubled state. I'm grateful for the changes that the year has brought. Perhaps that would have been a better way to say it. :-)

Love,
Sage

Don't fire too hard at me...the deed is done.

What's kind of weird now is that I don't feel as though I need a positive response from him...or reassurance. The email was really about me telling him how I feel.

Sage